The ancient art of becoming a ‘Sahrudaya’
It's 1:00 AM on February 14th. You're continuously staring at the screen and doom-scrolling through endless "same-day delivery" roses and exotic gift boxes. There is numbness, hollowness and heavy pressure to perform to make something BIG enough for an Instagram post. While sitting there, you might feel or realise that you can buy the bouquet, but you can't buy the link. In an era where the web of optics fibers more than by actual feeling with depth, we've ignored a profound secret from our own roots, "the art of becoming a Sahrudaya". This isn't just about just one bad date; it's an indication of a deeper crisis. While global trends push a transactional version of love measured in "likes" and surface aesthetics, our teachings provide a much stronger and sexier alternative. True Connection is not found in a Hallmark store. It is found when we trade Romantic Drama for Relationship Dharma. Let's learn how to find the Sahrudaya, a person who is "of the same heart" as you.
In modern dating, we've intentionally or unintentionally turned love into a math problem. Youngsters been told that an expensive dinner is the ultimate proof of how much we care and love. When you simply go buy a gift just because a calendar date says you have to, it's a calculation, not a connection. The Bhav, an Indianised version of Emotional Intelligence and the Indian concept of love, teaches us the ability to stop "spending" and start "sensing." A Sahrudaya understands that a twenty-minute, engaged conversation over a cup of chai carries more weight than a 5-star gala if the intent is genuinely present. The Bhav isn't about the size of the gesture; it's about the depth of the awareness behind it.
Navigating through the Nava Rasas
We try to force romance to live in a permanent state of Shringara, the rasa of beauty and attraction. But life isn't an Instagram post. Real relationships are a messy weave of the Nava Rasas, the nine fundamental emotions we all carry. There will be days of Karuna (compassion) when someone fails despite efforts, and even moments of Bibhatsa (frustration) when clashes occur. An Indian classic approach to Emotional Intelligence teaches us the maturity to navigate these shifts without hitting the "exit" button when relationships and situations get complicated. Instead of chasing a constant, artificial "spark," a Sahrudaya or real partner uses their emotional depth and maturity to hold space for their partner's bad days.
Relationship Dharma
We often think of Dharma as a heavy, ancient burden. In modern love, it's actually quite simple: it's Emotional Responsibility. Valentine's Day has become a "Drama" day with lots of emotion spilling around at high intensity and a 24-hour performance that leaves everyone exhausted. Relationship Dharma is the quiet, invisible work you do on the other 364 days of the year. It's the daily choice of a partner to be present, to listen, and to stay attuned to who your partner is becoming. This is the "human premium" that no AI or digital substitute can ever touch. A machine might script a perfect romantic message, but it can't provide the comfort of a "same-heart" connection during a relationship crisis. Being a Sahrudaya is something you earn through practice, not a product you purchase. This February, don't just be a romantic for a night; strive to be a Sahrudaya for a lifetime. Logic might make you think, but only emotion will make you link. The future belongs to the pure connections.
The writer is Emotional Intelligence Expert; views are personal
