Nobody Can Really Hurt You
If someone has used harsh words with you, but with good intention, you can only thank them. You have only grown stronger by their act
“Time, mind and events are closely interlinked, and none of them is stagnant; they keep changing. When the mind is stuck to events, there is suffering” — Gurudev
When you feel hurt, you blame others for causing it. But the truth is, it is not people who hurt us. It is our own mind, our own vulnerability and our own emotions that entangle us and make us feel hurt.
If you really look into it, what causes the hurt? Somebody’s words, somebody’s selfishness, somebody not caring for you? What usually happens is you love somebody, and you think they do not care for you, or you have helped somebody a lot, and they do not talk to you, and that hurts you, does it not? Wake up and see: Is there an intention in them to hurt you? Place yourself in their shoes and try to look at things from their perspective too.
Often, you never intended to hurt someone, yet they feel hurt by your actions. What do you usually tell them? “I did not mean it, it just happened. I did not mean to hurt you, but an incident or event happened that gave you the idea that I hurt you.”
Now, if you really intended to hurt somebody, it means you have a deep hurt inside you. Even then, you are worthy of being excused, and similarly, you have to excuse the other person as well.
If someone has hurt you intentionally, you should know that they are unwell. People hurt others out of a lack of wisdom, unhappiness or a lack of inner connection with the divine, and this keeps them mentally disturbed and dissatisfied. When someone is unwell, how can you get angry at them? In a mental hospital, there are so many people saying so many things. Do you get annoyed at them? You do not.
Someone happy, content and in love will not hurt anyone. It is simply impossible. If someone hurts another, it is because there is a deep wound or scar of pain and rejection inside them that needs to be healed. What should your attitude be towards someone who is unwell? You will naturally be compassionate towards them, and when compassion reaches its peak, it is nothing but love.
And if someone has not intended to hurt you, if it is an unintentional act, then it is a mistake on your part to blame them for your hurt. You can only blame your own perception, and not them. They are not culprits. Then it is you who has to ask them for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness in such a situation can save the relationship. If someone has used harsh words with you, but with good intention, you can only thank them.
You have only grown stronger by their act. For example, no parent has raised their children without giving them a piece of their mind, have they? They may have used hurtful words, but it has been for your own good. If a friend has insulted you knowingly, you can only thank them. This is because they have dared to give you honesty, to give you what you needed to grow. Why would anyone want to hurt you at their own cost? Nobody wants to risk their friendship. What should be your attitude? “Thank you! You did something good for me. It has made me strong.”
How you perceive situations around you is entirely in your hands. Any intention you put out there comes back to you. If you think that everyone is hurting you, your own intentions will create similar situations again and again. Wake up and see: “There is none other than the One, and the One comes to me in many forms. It is all for my growth, for my well-being, for my happiness.” This is because the Universe is so loving and compassionate towards you. If we keep this wisdom in our hearts, nobody can hurt us. In India, there is a proverb: if God is happy with you, He gives you a lot, and if He is very happy with you, He might slap you as well. When your senses are turned outwards and you get attached to material things, you invite pain and suffering. Problems come so that you can look within and enter a state of dispassion and calm. God creates situations to turn you away from this outward chase and brings you towards Himself. He wants to draw you to Himself so that you drop everything and look at Him. When the soul is united with the Divine, when there is no duality, you experience this innermost joy. Once that connection happens, nothing whatsoever in the universe can bring down your smile, energy, enthusiasm or joy. Everything is an opportunity for growth in life.
If you are happy and comfortable, it is an opportunity for you to recognise the truth and share it with others. If misery comes your way, make use of it as an opportunity to turn inwards, become very strong from within and recognise the truth of the Universe - that everything is changing and every relationship is fleeting.
Usually, we tend to let go of pleasant emotions and hold on to unpleasant ones. But when the mind becomes free and cultured through meditation, this tendency to hold on to negative emotions is the first thing that disappears. We start living in the moment. Little things cease to bother you. Every up and down that comes your way makes this recurrent play of life more interesting.
Time, mind and events are closely interlinked, and none of them is stagnant; they keep changing. When the mind is stuck to events, there is suffering. When the mind flows with time, it is fresh and alive.
If you really look into it, what causes the hurt? Somebody’s words, somebody’s selfishness, somebody not caring for you? What usually happens is you love somebody, and you think they do not care for you, or you have helped somebody a lot, and they do not talk to you, and that hurts you, does it not?
