Don’t Try To Get Rid of Your Ego

Don’t meddle with your ego. If you have some, just keep it in your pocket. Why do you want to get rid of the ego? It is because it doesn’t make you feel comfortable. The ego causes heaviness, discomfort, fear, and anxiety. The ego doesn’t let love flow. But the more you try to eliminate it, the more it increases in you. It is a catch-22 situation. So, how do you overcome ego?

When you think well of yourself, in a very subtle way, you think badly about others. Then anger, jealousy, and hatred follow. When you think badly about yourself, you feel low, and again you become angry, and no sooner do you begin to hate others. These self-images boost the ego. When you think well of yourself, you are in trouble, and when you think badly of yourself, you are in greater trouble. So one needs to drop the self-image.

Now, don’t try to eradicate or erase the ego. Just be aware of it and just let go. When you find you have ego, just know it is simply out of your ignorance because you are not able to see your life in the context of the entire existence. What are you? You think you are your body-mind complex? It isn’t even a grain of sand. It can disappear at any time. But if you think you are part of the universal spirit, then that can never vanish because there is no two. Just a simple understanding of your ego can help you go beyond it.

What is the ego?

Ego is not being natural, not feeling at home, and not having a sense of belonging. This is what creates tension and problems within you. It makes you stiff, it makes you suffer, and brings tears to your eyes. Ego doesn’t let love flow and brings separateness — the sense of wanting to prove and possess. You want to impress someone, show someone that you are somebody, which you may or may not be. Then you get all stiff, and stress builds up in you.

Ego creates this fear about others’ opinions of you, and whether they respect you enough. The ego gives importance to someone else’s thoughts, which are temporary. Egotism is different from self-esteem. Ego, in order to exist, needs the other, while self-esteem doesn’t. When you are by yourself, your ego falls off. That is why a very egoistic person is either very comfortable being alone or very uncomfortable being alone. They want someone else to express themselves to, or because they are so tired of expressing all the time and nothing has worked, they like to be alone. If you are natural, you don’t mind if there are people or if there are no people, because you are the same.

For example, some people will never sing in a gathering, even when you request them to. Their ego obstructs them from singing and dancing. Some feel comfortable just listening to music. Some feel comfortable singing only when they are alone. Some sing to draw attention to themselves or to charm others. Some only want to join in when everyone else is singing. All of these responses originate from the ego. If you could truly sing with people, your ego would shatter. Children can sing with people because they do not have an ego. To sing with a stranger, you have to be free of ego.

Is the ego always bad?

Ego yearns for the difficult and unique. The ego takes pride in doing difficult things. ‘Look, I did such a tough job!’ says the ego. The ego impedes a leader, a wise man, a merchant, or a servant, but it is a necessity for a warrior and a competitor. A warrior takes on challenges. The ego helps people to remain committed to overcoming challenges. The ego inspires one to sacrifice one’s interests for a cause. The ego gives strength and courage, bringing valour to meet challenges with perseverance. A strong ego will counteract depression. Often ego is thought to be selfish, but it is the greatest motivating factor for creativity and generosity. Ego propels one to venture into the unknown. Ego drives you to do work. A person will do a job either out of joy, compassion, or out of ego. Most of the work in society is done out of ego. In success, drop your ego, but in failure, hold on to it. When you think you are failing, the ego says, come on, this is nothing, and nothing can touch me.

Ego is essential till a certain stage of growth, but then it must be transcended, similar to how a caterpillar evolves. The intention of a caterpillar is to fly high, but it winds itself into a cocoon, where it cannot fly.

But then it comes out of the cocoon as a butterfly and flies high. In the same way, at the age of two, you get into a shell of ego, and you grow in it. Once you cross a certain age, you realise that all that you went through as a teenager — all the uproar and emotional upheavals — has dropped from within you and you have started smiling from a different space. You have become mature. At this time, the ego has to be dropped.

If you cannot surrender, have a Sattvic ego. The Sattvic ego is always ready to sacrifice and serve. Rajasic ego is self-centred and causes misery to oneself and others. Sattvic ego is creative and has protective tendencies, and Tamasic ego is barbaric and blind, and has self-destructive tendencies.

The ego is like the tiniest atom present inside us. And what is beyond the ego? If the ego is broken, what comes is called maha tattva (the grand element, an energy). The one whose ego has been totally dissolved is called a Mahatma.

How to manage the ego?

A seed has a shell over it, and when you soak it in water, it sprouts, and the covering breaks. Similarly, ego is an unnaturalness that develops in you. Spiritual knowledge dissolves this veil and makes you childlike again — natural, simple, and innocent. If you find you have a big ego, don’t try to destroy it because that effort will only increase it. The antidote for ego is just being natural like a child. Ego dissolves in love. When you nurture unconditional love in your heart, the ego automatically disappears. Giridhari, or Lord Krishna, lifted the whole Govardhan mountain with his little finger. This means that even though the ego feels like a mountain, with a little bit of love, you

can lift it.

Another way to manage the ego is equanimity. When you feel equanimous, whether you are in a crowd or by yourself, whether you are with prominent people, whether there is adulation or criticism, none of it will really impact you. You will be able to see the whole thing as a drama, as a movie that is moving fast. When you wake up and see that there is nothing to be proven and nothing to possess, the ego dissolves.

If the atom of ego is associated with the body, with matter, it identifies with matter. If this atom is associated with the being, the infinite, it identifies with the infinite. When this atom, the ego, identifies with the body, it becomes miserable. But when it is associated with the spirit, it becomes divine. It becomes shakti — energy - when it is associated with the being, the Self.

Naturalness is the antidote for you. Be spontaneous! The ego cannot stand spontaneity. The ego wants to present everything properly and prepare beforehand. It is the ego that doesn’t want you to appear as ‘crazy’. The ego seems to be the biggest problem for someone to manage. Yet it is very easy to overcome. It is a one-day job. All you need to do is just act like a crazy person for one day. Make people believe you have gone completely crazy. It is the best antidote for the ego. Children are so spontaneous. They make mistakes. They never mind making mistakes. Just be like a child. Let anybody say anything about you. You keep smiling. The Upanishads have also declared that once you get a glimpse of that unchanging aspect in you, the very central aspect of you, then everything else is futile. When you are centred, ego becomes all-encompassing, the body glows, the intellect becomes sharp, and memory becomes sharp. All layers of existence simply glow when the ego is transcended and the Self is realised.