What makes you awkward shows you the boundary of your comfort zone

If you can embrace embarrassment, then nothing can shake you. If there’s one thing people try to run away from, it is embarrassment. Embarrassment is a mild form of criticism, a mild form of feeling uncomfortable. At some point, we need to get out of the comfort zone and feel that little discomfort. Only then will you see abilities dawn in you.

Why do you feel awkward?

If you have always been the centre of attention and are suddenly sidelined, you may feel out of place. Similarly, if you have always been on the sidelines and are suddenly pushed to the centre, you may experience restlessness. If you are used to giving instructions and suddenly have to take orders, or if you usually follow orders and are made to give them, you may feel out of place. A very busy person with nothing to do, or a laid-back person who is faced with a lot of responsibilities, may experience restlessness. Very often, when you feel out of place and you are too conscious, you are not able to reason or be logical.

How can you overcome it?

If the situation you are in is inevitable, tolerate it; if it is avoidable, walk out of it. If you feel that it can expand your abilities, smile through it. Every awkward situation increases your comfort zone. It is a test of how deeply you are established in knowledge. Another thing you can do is love a certain aspect of an awkward situation. That increases your comfort zone. When your comfort zone expands, no one will be able to push your buttons, and you will become so centred and unshakable.

When you venture to do something new or put yourself in new situations, they make you a little nervous, right? You have this subconscious fear about what others will think of you. Do you know what is the best way to overcome embarrassment and awkwardness, and be natural in all situations and with everyone? One day, just for a few hours, imagine and behave as if you are a crazy person. So what if people think you are crazy? Let them think so. It doesn’t matter. This will completely take care of the fear and inhibitions in you. You fear that people will call you a fool. Tell yourself, ‘Okay, I am a fool. I accept it.’ We simply need to see life from a bigger perspective.

Let me tell you a story. In my teenage years, I was very shy. I wouldn’t sit amidst big crowds and would run away. But one day in Switzerland, I decided to wear a dhoti and walk on a road on a snowy morning! Everyone was looking at me when I started to walk, clad in a dhoti. ‘Who is this preacher?’ ‘From where did he come?’ Everybody wore thick coats and various other woollen garments. After this incident, nothing mattered to me. To break this monotonous idea about oneself, about respect and the fear of rejection, the fear of being laughed at - to get over all these, you need to act differently just for a day.

Secondly, know that this is not the first time you have felt nervous. It has happened to you before, and you have overcome it. When you went to give an interview, your heart was pounding, or when you had to write an exam, you felt nervous. Remember those moments and remember how successfully you overcame those fears.

The third technique is more powerful. Breathe in from the back of your throat; it is called the ‘ujayi’ breath. A few rounds of deep breathing from the back of the throat, some physical exercises, and meditation will definitely help you overcome nervous jitters. Every time you feel embarrassed, take your mind inward, take a deep breath or two, and relax. And remember that you are with the truth.

Considering everyone as part of your own family also makes you very natural. You get rid of the sense of embarrassment. From your side, you feel connected with others, even if they don’t do so. Stop worrying about what others think about you. People, their minds and opinions are changing all the time.

Life is like a river. Sometimes logs float in the river water; at other times, stones and mud flow into the river. Come what may, the river water never remains stagnant. It always runs fresh and keeps flushing out the waste. Similarly, celebrate life as if it were a river.

Even then, if some nervousness and fear persist, practise the Sudarshan Kriya breathing technique for 15-20 minutes, and you will get back to your normal self in no time.

Whenever you feel uncomfortable in somebody’s presence or in some situation, know you are coming in touch with the boundaries of your comfort zone. You have to go beyond that. You should make an uncomfortable situation comfortable for yourself. This barrier is the boundary that makes you confront your ego. The moment you accept and move on, it eases out.

Suppose you don’t want to be called a fool or stupid, but someone says that you are stupid - that is when the ego gets hurt. Leave room for some introspection. In their perception, maybe you are stupid, but in reality, you may not be.

The whole world is just a perception. And if some people think that you are a fool, is that a big deal?

When somebody praises you for being intelligent, do you feel hurt? Do you think that it may not be true? This is known as ‘Raag’ and ‘Dwesh’. The ego is connected to cravings and aversions. You crave to be intelligent and are averse to being stupid. Your mind plays such tricks on you.

So when someone calls you stupid, think, ‘Oh yes, maybe that is their perception. Maybe I am stupid, who knows? Sometimes I could be stupid.’ Now what has happened? Your ego is not on the track to react but to recognise. The ego never lets you recognise an event. It leads you to react.

The way of knowledge leads you to recognise a situation. Intelligent people move away from reaction to recognition. This is the only way to handle the ego. So instead of pouncing on the person who insulted you, just watch what is happening inside you. When someone says something unpleasant, you feel something contracting inside you. Just observe that and breathe consciously. This practice will help you become strong like steel.

Later on, you don’t feel like reacting to unpleasant or pleasant comments. This is freedom. This is ‘Mukti’.

Often, people act outside their nature to fit in with the so-called cool peer groups. When you try to do that, it becomes harder for you because you feel you are separate from them. First of all, you must feel natural. And how you can feel natural is when you prepare yourself to accept rejection openly.

If you think that others may not accept you because they think that you are a fool, then agree to be a fool in their perception. Secondly, however you are, be natural. Don’t pretend. When you want to show yourself, pretend, or try to impress others, it creates problems for you.

Thirdly, don’t force yourself to fit in with any person or group. Be natural. Different types of people live on earth, and you are of your unique type. Know that you are here to spread only positive energy and love. And if others don’t have it, they need you more.

Usually, when you think that someone is negative, you try to run away from them. The underlying fear is that they may not respect you. Don’t look for respect from anybody.

Here again, I want to emphasise that two types of people don’t expect respect from others. One group says that they don’t care what others think of them. It doesn’t matter to them if others don’t respect them. But inside their heart, they expect others to respect them.

On the other hand, there are people who feel that if others don’t respect them, they will become sad, shy, or fearful. Try to move away from these feelings. Meditate. Meditation will help you to be natural and get rid of shyness or the fear of humiliation.