Do this instead of struggling to detach

“The real art is to continue to be in the spirit of celebration yet attend to all the details and fix whatever needs fixing”          — Gurudev

The mind keeps dwelling on what people said or did and these things keep you bound to the cycle of cravings and aversions

Why do you want to get over attachment? It is because you know it causes pain, and then you want to get detached. If it didn’t bring you pain, you would never think of getting rid of attachment. Attachment gives pain because there is ignorance.

The mind keeps dwelling on what people said or did and these things keep you bound to the cycle of cravings and aversions. Detachments simply drop once Viveka rises in you. Do not try to get out of attachment. Your struggle to get out of attachment will make you more miserable. Instead, learn to be centered. Expand your understanding of life and of this creation. Then you will see that you do not need to make an effort to get rid of attachment. It will automatically go away. Young children are so attached to cotton candy. If you keep a sweet before them, they just want to grab and eat it. But when they grow older, the craving for sweets and toys drop off by itself. They do not have to make an effort to get detached from sweets.

Detachment is a very natural happening. When maturity blossoms in you, an expansion begins to dawn within you; that is when you stop getting stuck and entangled in small petty things in life.

Otherwise, when you are not well versed in detachment, if someone ill-treats or insults you, you get so hurt, you keep holding the grudge in your heart for a long time, sometimes even for months together. You tell yourself, ‘I am never going to forget how that person treated me’. What is the use of getting stuck in petty things? Why do you want to harm yourself with such thoughts? We do this so often, and many times, we feel proud about keeping a grudge in our mind. This is foolishness. Here we need some Viveka.

Viveka is having the ability to differentiate between what is short-term and what is long-term; what is temporary and what is permanent; what is sustainable and what is perishable; and what is changing and what is unchanging. One needs to know this differentiation or discrimination. The lack of this sense of discrimination causes misery.

How does one develop Viveka? You need to expand your vision. Immerse the mind in spiritual knowledge. Know that everybody, every human being is like a bubble in the water. How long do we live on Earth? Just look at your own life. Suppose you live on this planet for 80 years. In that span, you will spend around 40 years sleeping. Don’t think that the next 20 to 30 years is long enough. They will pass in a blink of an eye.  Even our clothes have more shelf life than our body. The shoes we are wearing will last for more years than our body. We never pay attention to these hard facts of life. After the next 30 to 40 years, where will we be? What is life? Who are we? These questions should arise in us and when they do, that shows that our intellect is maturing.  When we wake up and realise this fact, our whole life appears to be a dream. Life is going by very fast. Clouds come in the sky but how long do they stay? Know that everything is temporary, ephemeral. That is Viveka.

We get caught up in small things and bring misery both to ourselves and to others around us. You should observe and accept that different people have different ways of talking, behaving, different approaches to doing things and expressing themselves. Do not think that because of this, they do not have any love in their heart. It is just that you may not be able to see it, or that they may not be able to express it in a proper way. Just look at things from the other’s perspective.

Bring a small shift in your way of thinking. Just know that when someone says something hurtful or mistreats you, they do it out of stress and ignorance. They are hurt somewhere within and that is why they behave like that. Why are you trying to hurt yourself because of the wounds they carry within? You need to expand your mind and see things from a broader perspective.

You can win over everyone and every situation with love. The key to a happy life is based on how we handle our own mind. This is why we all must regularly practice our sadhana (spiritual practices). You do not need to become a scholar to live this knowledge. Just meditate for a while every day. Implement and imbibe the knowledge in your life. You must learn how to calm your mind and relax, for a few moments every day. You will become happy and also bring happiness to the lives of others around us.

Detachment and attachment go hand in hand. Attachment is not bad in itself. Viveka or the knowledge of discrimination helps you decide when to be detached and when not to. Unless you detach, you cannot sleep. Unless you detach from other things, you cannot focus on one particular thing. When you focus on one thing, you are detached from everything else. For example, you practice attachment and detachment in the matter of eating. Suppose if you are too attached to eating, it may lead to compulsive overeating. And then, consider sleeping disorders like insomnia. Insomnia is also a result of lack of detachment. If you don’t detach your mind from activities you had performed in the day, you cannot sleep at night. And when you wake up, you need to detach yourself from your resting position. So, attachment and detachment are part and parcel of life. When there is no detachment or very little detachment in life, that can lead to problems.

Detachment and attachment also play a role in romantic relationships. Why do you think so many intimate relationships end? It is like two lines focusing on each other. And at some point, they would cross each other’s paths. If you police your partner too much, and are only focused on each other, it is like the lines crossing each other and moving away. But if both the partners have a single goal of doing something big and something good, then it is like two parallel lines that can go on forever.

Viveka develops in a state of deep rest. When one has had a good rest and becomes free from stress, the intellect sharpens. One can never have an expanded vision of life if they are stressed. A stressed mind is always caught up in small, insignificant things. When you are de-stressed, your intellect shines, and it frees itself from prejudices. When there is no prejudice of any kind, no distraction in the mind, and the consciousness is cheerful, Viveka awakens. When you practice meditation, Viveka awakens within you, and it offers you a clear vision.

When you inculcate a clear vision, you see life as a game. You move through it by accepting and accommodating people and things. You realise the fact that nothing is static. Anybody can change at any time. Hence, it is futile to hold on to judgements. This is when you build the ability to embrace life in its totality, with all its colors, and with all its flaws.

Then, you gradually realise that everything is perfect the way it is. The understanding that all is perfect this moment will allow you to celebrate with hundred percent involvement. Does this mean that you also accept what is not perfect, and be complacent about everything? Certainly not.

The real art is to continue to be in the spirit of celebration yet attend to all the details and fix whatever needs fixing. This is how enlightened people act and behave. Take right actions wherever they are needed and know that all will be taken care of by a higher power. In this way, you will not be a source of complaints. You will turn into a source of joy. You will be manifesting the joy that you are.