Each one of us, whether in heart or mind, is trying to fill the void with energy. In my case, it is Krishna energy, says Rajiv Kapoor
In the hollow emptiness within, a dark passage to seemingly nowhere, I search for myself, or perhaps dismiss myself in the perfect burial ground that one’s consciousness could serve. The more inward I look, the more beyond me the vision wants to travel. Whereto, if not Krishna’s feet or the sound of His Flute that beckons many hearts. The outcome is peace when I tread with faith, and frustration when I digress to alleys not in His name. That alternating peace and frustration is because I am human. In that lies both my hope and disappointment.
Why Krishna, and not simply emptiness? Buddhist proponents may argue. Or, another name to fill the void such as Jesus or Mohammed, that few minority religious minds in India might be provoked to ask. In raising those questions, the adult mind remains minor. For all of us, whether in your heart or mine, are trying to fill the void with energy. In my case, it is Krishna energy. The big personal journey inside would be best served without the myopic lens of religion, and instead with an intuitive eye of the seeker. It is in Krishna consciousness that this pen flows.
“Among the mountains, I am the Himalayas.” said He.
We are all trying to climb successive peaks that we see. Any relative comparison among the peers is useless. Glorious peaks for a few could be futile plateaus for others. Within us those subjectively defined heights are measured and more importantly, a climbing process where life is felt and lived.
I saw the peak of a woman, and in her true love, my elixir. The energy that flows in true love is the same, whether it is for God or a person. If I could not be consciously in God’s love round the clock, then I needed her love. May be, through her love only, could I hope to reach the higher realms in my spiritual world that was conceived from His Flute.
Indeed, from atop that peak, one of love and not marriage, I saw Krishna more relevant. So, I decided to talk to Him through my writings, in a more inspired version of myself and in His own language of creation. In humility, I called my spirit to drop ink on paper floor. Then, with abandon, I danced upon it. Krishna must be merry in the heavens too.
As I wrote in my book, Conversations With My Love: Creativity is God. In it, we find ourselves; His scheme, how he fulfills; Promises He makes, Ours’ that He keeps; Many through progeny, follow the creative path; I found other way, I came to write.
Another peak climbed, and yet not high enough. Krishna was not always there to keep me drowned or submerged in Him. He had not yet granted me that fortune.
“Krishna, wither those clouds, that hide the next peak, and not my limbs,” said I, and continued, “before I leave my pot of earth behind, present yourself Master.”
“Climbing shall not end. Know this, that with every step of yours howsoever made, I will make one towards you.” Replied the Master.
In that leap of faith I continued. The only glimmer of light in the dark passage within. The light of Krishna energy, that I nurtured from emptiness, dropping off all that was useless in the climb towards the next peak.
I conjured up Krishna’s idol of white, spotless marble. Ganges flowed down His entire length and out through the door that my soul had opened. “It is my birthday, mate,” said He, “of your Venusian heart, tell me which void shall I fill?”
My Lord, in your presence, and when your eyes meet mine, there is no void anymore. The ocean fills all empty spaces. Only depths remain unexplored, now that I have taken the dive. Call the mermaid with Your Flute and ask her to pull me deeper.
The writer is the author of book, Conversations With My Love
