Adversities are integral to our lives. However, we possess a wellspring of strength that enables us to recover and move on

I first read about resilience in my physics classes in school as the ability of a material to absorb energy and release back that energy as it springs back to its original shape.

Later, I understood a third element, the ability to spring back without creating a permanent distortion. Human resilience is no different. I have met many people who bounced back. I then understood its meaning in daily life. It was about humans and their strength to face adversities and move forward with renewed vigour. I remember an incident from almost four decades back.

I was only 26-years-old. My colleague was 56. His only child, a son around my age, died in a boat accident while on vacation with his friends in the Sundarbans. I went with my wife to condole and realised that words were superfluous. What do you tell an old couple who had just lost their only child? I had tears in my eyes, and I found the gentleman consoling me instead. He sought solace and strength from the scriptures.

Another colleague lost her 41-year-old son. She wanted to write about it, had even tried multiple times, but could not bring herself to articulate her feelings. I encouraged her to write. She shared her innermost thoughts, ‘A woman goes through severest of physical pains and mental suffering through labour pain at the time of her child’s birth. This is the natural cycle of life.

But what is unnatural is when this cycle of life breaks due to the untimely death of the younger person, whom the woman had given birth to, and nurtured, to become a good and strong human being to face the world.’

The lady now lives through her son’s memories. She also expresses her emotions by writing poetry or short stories. This is her way of coming out of her traumatic experience and honouring her son’s life. Another lady that I recently interviewed for an episode of a virtual show lost her young son of 22 a few years back. She ‘transcended’ her grief cherishing the fond memories of a limited time spent together. She helps others transform their grief into growth.  

The loss of a child is probably the most difficult form of adversity. We face challenges and find the inner strength to deal with them. There are a few, who unfortunately are not able to cope, and sometimes take extreme steps.

There are also a few people who may require additional medical help to deal with feelings of depression. Above all, they require love and support from the near and dear ones. Each human is a wellspring of resilience. All that is needed is to tap within and for others to help. We may adopt a few lessons from the lives of resilient persons.

They believe they are masters of their destiny, they are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, they adapt to situations, they do not obsess over factors over which they do not have control, they are optimists and many more.

However, resilience does not require us to present a brave facade at all times. It is also important to create a social environment and not hesitate to seek help. I close the article, with a prayer that all of us find the courage to be resilient, and with a quote from Emil Dorian, a Romanian poet, prose writer, and physician, “Strong people alone know how to organise their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain.”

(The author is an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways and conducts classes in creative writing; views are personal)