One must work for purity of thought to build relationships

Human relationships are infinitely complex and tricky to manage and hence they need immense patience, understanding, acceptance, acknowledgement and engagement. That is why the quality of our relationships decides the quality of our life. Unfortunately, most people today experience unhappiness and stress in their lives either due to their relationship with work or with

their family.

The highest form of exchange of energy in any relationship is love and respect. When love is absent, there are problems in relationships and they become stressful. The exchange of anger, hatred and fear in any relationship breaks the union between the people.

The origin of stress is when we want people to do or be something else because we believe that our happiness and sense of self-worth depends on them, and when they do not do or be what we want, our love turns into resentment and fear.

Instead, when we accept them as they are, we can heal and restore relationships. So, if there is peace, joy, love, kindness, courage and wisdom in everything we relate to, then every relationship will bring happiness.

Most of us may have had this experience, where a very close and loving relationship with some friend or a dear one went completely sour and the relationship which lasted for years suddenly ended. While one keeps on wondering and thinking about the reasons for such sad events that brings one’s self esteem down, one forgets to do a simple self-check as to what was my fault in this? Where did I go wrong? As a result of this, one starts blaming the opposite person and the bitterness in heart keeps on increasing day by day, leaving no margin for a reconciliation.

There is a well-known saying that “we see things not as they are but as we are”. While our physical eyes see everything and everyone the same way, it is actually the thoughts and feelings that accompany the act of seeing which form an impression in the mind about what we are seeing. So, if our feelings are light and pure, we feel the same way about everything we see.

On the other hand, if we are in a negative frame of mind, we might perceive things negatively. Today we all live with a fragmented sense of self, defined by many identities, based on physical, social and professional identities, which has led to inner disintegration of the self. This is the actual cause of our inability to love and feel love for yourself. Hence, we must realise that we can experience our completeness only when we realise our true identity as a soul.

Acceptance, appreciation, trust, good listening skills, respecting others' ideas, sincerely wishing them well and taking care to exchange positive vibes in all interactions - all these are valuable investments in a good relationship. The best part of this is, that whatever we exchange with others, we first give to ourselves. A relationship is like a house. When a light bulb burns out, do we go and buy a new house? Not really! We fix the bulb and move on.

Such an attitude helps us remain stable in the face of all the challenges. It also helps others around us as it enables us to come out of self-centered or selfish ways of thinking and to think of the universal good. Lastly, there is one question we all could ask ourselves every night which would certainly contribute to forming better relationships: What did I give from my heart to anyone today?

(The author is a spiritual educator)