Seeing Through the Illusion of Heartbreak
It is wisdom alone that gives you strength to move on. Not anger, not revenge
When a bud breaks, it becomes a flower. When a heart breaks, it becomes divine. A flower cannot break. What breaks is the bud. And it breaks for good. What you thought was love was not love. In true love, there is no heartbreak. A broken heart means broken demands, broken expectations, broken hopes. How can love break? Can water break? Water is fluid. Love is also fluid, not brittle. Something stiff is brittle. It can be broken.
What happens when you fall in love? After a while, you start demanding, and the love diminishes. The joy fades away.
And then you say, "Oh, I have made a mistake by getting into this relationship," and you struggle to get out of that relationship. After getting out of it, you get into one more, and the same story repeats. In love, you don't expect anything. If you want something in return, you can't call it love.
A separation can feel so devastating that you believe you cannot exist anymore. In such times, it is wisdom alone that gives you strength to move on. Not anger, not revenge, not even the passing of time. It is wisdom that carries you through.
You do not have to call the other person names to heal. You do not have to call him a cheater or a rogue. That can only get you more upset, and sometimes it may just backfire. The other person might say something hurtful back instead. You cannot correct the other person. But you can always correct yourself. Move on with a fresh heart, a lighter heart, a happier heart.
Just have a deep sleep. When you sleep well and deeply, where is that person then? Nobody troubles you in deep sleep at all. You actually get over everybody, every single day, the moment you fall asleep. But the moment you wake up, they return. He has left you, but you have not left him. They come right back into your mind. This happens because you have rented out your mind to him. You did this without collecting any rent at all. You must learn to own that space back.
Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind. Others seem to be bothering you, but it is not the other person at all. It is your own mind doing this to you.
Remind yourself also that nothing in your life has ever stayed. Look back at all the years behind you. So many incidents have happened. Some pleasant, some unpleasant, some horrible, some wonderful. Did any of it actually stay with you forever? None of it did, not even once. Life keeps moving ahead regardless, like a flood of events passing through. Realising this truth, even briefly, brings immediate freshness to the mind. This very temporary nature of things can become your strength rather than your sorrow.
See also the freedom that follows a broken relationship. It is like stepping out of a cage you had built for yourself. There are billions of people on this planet. Among them, there are better choices waiting to be found. Why mourn an exit you yourself wanted into a freer and happier life? Before this relationship, you were alive and kicking. You were laughing, smiling, perfectly happy. Remember those days clearly. Life was okay then. It will be okay again now.
This pattern of letting go has repeated itself many times in your own life. It happened even when you were a small child. You did not want to let go of even a single toy back then. You wanted to bring home the entire shop. You wanted every toy in it, refusing to leave anything behind. Yet you outgrew that grip naturally. You moved on, made new friends, and found new joys instead. The old attachment gradually faded away without you noticing. Life teaches you the art of letting go in every event. When you have learned to let go, you will be joyful. As you start being joyful, more will be given to you.
Emotion is what makes us all human, and there is nothing wrong with feeling deeply. But emotion should never overshadow our intellect or our wisdom. Emotions can take over your entire sense of reasoning. The moment you recognise this happening, you are already one step out of it. Events in life give rise to both emotions and lessons. We often hold onto the emotions and forget to learn the lesson. Wisdom is to drop the emotion and move on with the lessons.
Everyone wants their relationships to last, isn't it? Three things are essential in any relationship: right perception, right observation, and right expression. Often, people say nobody understands them. Instead of saying, "No one understands me," you can say that you haven't expressed yourself properly. If you speak Russian to a Spanish person, they won't understand. Right perception can emerge when you put yourself in the shoes of the other person and look at the situation from the other person's point of view as well.
You may have perceived right but how do you react? How do you feel within yourself? Observing your own mind is the second important aspect. This observation within you: observation of sensation, observation of tendencies, observation of patterns within you, is also essential.
Perception of the other, observation of oneself, and then, right expression is important. The whole life is a lesson of just these three things: perception, observation, and expression. Any mistake you make is really not a mistake; it is a learning in the three vital aspects of life.
Perception needs to be expanded. Don't just see someone from outside. If someone is grumpy or a little finicky, you hold them responsible for their behaviour. But if you see from a wider lens, the person might be grumpy for various reasons. Then you have the quality of reflection in the relationship. Not just accusing someone for what they did, but accommodating them and seeing it in a larger context.
And lastly, when you meet the friend or ex-partner again, talk to them as though nothing has happened in the past, as though this is the first time you are meeting them. You don't need to give any explanation. Be friendly from your side as though nothing happened. Live as though you have no enemies.
