My experiences have taught me that to find common ground one must show patience, open to dialogue and accommodate perspectives different from your own

I have been trying to set up a small library within my condominium complex. A lady was apprehensive about the criticism from a select few for the expenditure on this noble venture. Her sharp rejoinder that she could never stoop so low to my simple solution of inviting the critics to inaugurate the library left me seething.

In another instance, a lady unequivocally told me that she would not work with another lady in the Art and Literature Festival I am organizing within my society. I found their response irrational.I have worked in the government sector for more than 30 years out of the 35 years of an active professional life.

The initial 17 years were spent in handling big teams of literate or semi-literate staff. My success depended upon their performance. I could not achieve much without the support of subordinates, peers, and superiors. I did not have the luxury of going back to my seniors to shift a person if he did not perform. I also could not go back asking for a transfer if I felt overwhelmed by the people who had strong unions, and who would not hesitate to run me down even at the slightest hint of weakness. I was taking stock of the previous day’s performance with my senior supervisor in my very first posting in a maintenance shed that had more than 1,000 staff.

A group of staff and their leaders barged into the room to air their grievances. An unruly element from the crowd threw an earthen tea cup to landed right in front of me on the table. I had to gulp down the insult to present a brave face as I thundered in the most authoritative voice I could muster that the meeting was over and I would not discuss any further.

It turned out that they were testing me and the leaders tried their best to be on my right side.A senior visited my shop floor during lunch hours in another posting in a production unit a few years later.

A place where a lot of grease was used was usually quite gloomy with layers of the sticky substance accumulating over years. The shop floor would also not be the cleanest of the places at lunchtime. Railways was an extremely hierarchical organisation with the seniors considering themselves masters at insulting the subordinates, particularly the officers, who would not retaliate in front of the staff out of a sense of propriety.

This senior gentleman shouted at me that if the cleaning staff was not available, then I should have cleaned myself. My supervisor and the staff showed more compassion as they rushed around. There were many such incidents when I felt degraded and insulted. I did not have the same options that the two young ladies wanted to exercise. To give credit to both, they are well educated, one of them having studied psychology in college, the other is a medical professional. I find a similar unwillingness in other younger professionals.

They are rigid in their approach to daily problems and would rather not talk to a person with contrary opinions than sit down to resolve them. The attitude often spills into the personal lives also. There would always be some difficult times. There is a need to discuss and find a middle ground.

I would like to bring their attention to the famous words of Abraham Lincoln, “I do not like that man. I must get to know him better.” It will take a lot of time and effort. But in the end, it will be worth it.

(The author is an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways and conducts classes in creative writing; views are personal)