Having left the traditional joint family behind, we now face loneliness and the stark realities of ageing in a world that moves rather fast

Recently, I sat sipping my cup of tea in quiet contemplation as life moved around me. Unbidden, a strange thought struck me. In my younger days, I often felt that the old were more rigid in their approach. I am in my mid-sixties. I still judge those older than me. In the olden days, at my age, I would have been expected to move out of the household to spend time in quiet meditation.

Not any longer. We continue to enjoy the worldly pleasures of life, with the added baggage of rigidity in attitude. We are more self-centred. There are many like me in the age group that we call seniors. I did not have to look far to seek reasons for these changes. I was in the hospital a few months back attending to the admission and discharge formalities for my father. I was told it was essential for an attendant to be present to sign various documents at different stages of the hospitalisation. I do not know if these are mandated rules or if hospitals do this to comply with medico-legal requirements. These have serious implications for many ailing single seniors with children in distant lands.

We do not contemplate a life of dependence on others when we are young. Having led a life on our terms for decades, it is difficult to adjust to a life with rules not set by us. We belong to the generation that has moved out of the age-old joint family milieu to set up unit families. The interaction with even the immediate family is limited to meeting at festivals.

One gets to meet the extended family only during family weddings, busy as they are in the daily grind of their units. It is not surprising that we now find ourselves at a crossroads. The young have their own lives and cannot be expected to be available for each ache and pain. A few years back I met a younger acquaintance over coffee.

The seniors within his community encouraged young professionals to join the governing body of the community welfare association extending unconditional support. As things settled, the young lot no longer needed to consult the old for each decision. The seniors felt rebuffed, and relationships soured. I recently flew with a medical professional who established a thriving chain of pathology clinics. Approaching 60, he has sold his business. He is now working towards establishing old age homes for the seniors.

I was apprehensive because of the stigma attached to these facilities. The old feel a sense of abandonment; the young feel guilty. To face these challenges, he is starting daycare centres for seniors, to spend a few hours engaged in activities of their choice, with adequate medical facilities available. As my medical friend expounded, the major challenge for the old is loneliness resulting in inadequate communication, which in time may lead to dementia.

I would have attributed obsession with self to insecurities over the advancing age, had I not witnessed the same even in the young. A feeling of inadequacy can strike anyone irrespective of age.

We are yet to evolve into a society that respects and cares for all. It is the responsibility of each member of the community to help others feel loved and cherished.

American author and motivational speaker, Felice Buscaglia, known as ‘Dr Love’, said, “It is not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”

(The author is an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways and conducts classes in creative writing; views are personal)