Journalist and author Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava tells Sakshi Sharma how her book, Stoned, Shamed, Depressed interweaves accounts of teens, parents, teachers and child psychologists to reveal a deeply disturbing picture of school life in urban India
Once upon a time, a show like Star Trek — based in the twenty-third century — was a fascinating thought. Where would we end up, many of us as kids asked, our imagination running free and wild. There were only trees to climb, so we had plenty of time for dreaming. Now when we hear that the side-tilting selfie is keeping many a doctor in business, fixing endless instances of cricks in the neck, we know we have reached somewhere “where no man has gone before” — to borrow the phrase from the original series of the 1960s. Now we have kids looking almost robotic, online identities merging into one another, days flowing into nights… This is a generation of children that has an entire galaxy of friends and yet, they could not have been on a lonelier planet...”
Journalist and author Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava pens these lines in the context of the changing landscape of the world of teenagers today. Her book, Stoned, Shamed, Depressed, is a narrative of today’s school life in urban India and an insight into the lives of teens. It attempts to investigate and chronicle the lives of children as they embark on a confused journey to adulthood — a road that is full of temptations and easy adventure, where the boundaries get blurred and where what happens today can have repercussions for years to come. Excerpts:
The book subtly looks at topics like the impact of social media, body neutrality, trust issues, anxiety and more while talking of journey to adulthood. How did you conceptualise it?
I have written articles on some of these issues for several publications over a period of time and the deeper I went, the more I realised that I was only touching the tip of the iceberg. Controversial incidents like the Bois Locker Room disappear from public memory after a news cycle. Yet in the background it all continues to play out. A person I have a lot of respect for suggested that I collate all my work into a holistic narrative and I realised that it was indeed the best way to get a reality check on issues that our urban teenagers are constantly facing, away from the occasional limelight.
What was your first point of research? How long did it take to complete the book?
I finished writing the book in a year but my research started almost two years prior to that when I started writing blogs and opinion pieces on bullying, body shaming and the normalisation of the word ‘rape’ in the teenage vocabulary. My sources and interviews were made easier because it was already a work in progress when I started on the book.
When you began your research, the idea revolved around late teenage. However, it now speaks broadly about middle school battlegrounds...
Yes, I would say that was one of the startling revelations I made as I went along. I thought I would be tackling the issues of 17 to 18-year-olds, instead social media and its repercussions seem to be more prominent in urban India’s middle schools. In fact, a school principal told me that while class XII is out of her hands, she is putting all her energy into saving students of classes VI to IX, which are now considered the epicentre of social media use. Today, kids, whose ages are not even in double digits, are behaving the way teens did 10 years ago. Their exposure is different and so are the expectations.
As a society, it seems that anything uncomfortable is too sensitive to debate or question. But if there’s no conversation, there will be no answers. How does the book aim to initiate a conversation around this without being preachy?
This book is a reflection of what is happening in real time with children we all know or associate with. It is not limited to the rich and the elite and is instead a narrative across towns and cities. I believe it will resonate among many families for the pervasive nature of social media and even addiction. Through the stories of children in the book, I hope families make informed decisions going forward because no two families may have the same issues. They have to ultimately decide what works for their children and themselves.
What does the title, Stoned, Shamed, Depressed, signify?
The title reflects the range of realities of modern day urban Indian teens and the issues they face, which are not always something we are willing to face as a society. For instance, when it comes to mental health and children, it is so far down our radar that we forget acceptance, we are not even ready to confront it. Similarly, body shaming is also something we dismiss as a phase that school children may face. But these days, because of social media compulsions and desperation, even girls’ behaviour towards each other is an eye opener.
Why do you call it “secret lives” of urban teens?
A lot of what this book narrates is through stories and case studies of children which have been seconded by counselors and school authorities. But as we always say, the family learns about things the last. In some cases, though they do know what their child is up to, there is denial. This generation is also very good at hiding things, whether it is the weed they are smoking, their Instagram accounts being hacked or the sexual bullying episodes they may have faced. Many parents will tell you that for this generation what their peers say is sacrosanct. Most of the issues that I covered are not easy to uncover if you aren’t looking for them or are aware.
As children learn to navigate through the online and the offline world, the paths leading to adulthood might be taxing and confusing. What’s your take on this?
For this generation, there are too many temptations and many counselors admit that we adults would perhaps not be able to multi-task the way these children do. We are also sending them conflicted signals. On one hand, you give them free use of a gadget and on the other hand, you have left them open to the repercussions without monitoring their use. As families we need to sit down and take the time to really talk to our child and teach them how to make their way through the online maze. A lot of these temptations like vaping, gaming, social media are not going anywhere. Many of the online actions are a direct reaction to what happens offline and we have to normalise their existence without normalising their use. For that, our generation first needs to confront these issues.
The virtual world is usually looked at under a bad light for teenagers. However, you seemed to balance it with the offline world and equally emphasised its merits...
I am not a fan of kids and the virtual world, but I also know that it is an integral part for this generation. COVID-19 has exaggerated that use, whether it is online studying or gaming excessively with no outdoor outlet. I feel the only solution lies in how responsibly we harness its use by our children. I see no reason for a six-year old to be gifted an iPad, nor do I understand why an eight-year old has a smartphone. If we are looking to ease our lives, we may have a lot to answer in time. There is already a lot of angst and aggression amongst some of today’s school children and in better times, I can’t emphasise enough the importance of a child playing a sport.
How do you think school-level education in India can make teenagers reflect on their choices? What does it lack now?
I think schools have to go beyond traditional teaching and embrace a wider canvas of learning. It can no longer just be about what is in the books, we have to teach them about issues like consent, misogyny, slut shaming among others. A classroom is no longer a place where a child comes, studies by the textbook and goes home. Social media has ensured that schools are now a playing field for many other things and just like our society, schools too need to accept that things are happening. Recently, I heard about how a girl questioned her school in the Bois Locker Room and the school tried to hush it down and clamped down on the girl instead. Sex education, counselors on campus — these are the issues that schools need to step up on. From what many children say, it is still at a nascent stage.
What do you think social media is — a good or a bad influencer?
It all depends on how you as a family embrace it. A twelve-year old may be the smartest kid in class and yet be outplayed by the anonymity of social media. The age that you use it at, how you use it, the amount of freedom given, all adds up. I see girls as young as eight and nine constantly making videos, I wonder why their parents allow it? The thrill for this generation to be online is enormous. If they have one upload on Instagram, they will stare at the likes for the next 24 hours. It is extremely unhealthy and I can only hope that the older the child is, the more equipped s/he is to handle its pressure. I have spoken to many people in their twenties who are doing brilliant things through social media.
Parents constantly face the dilemma of giving in to their child’s demands versus what’s right for them. Does the book address parents’ concerns over certain challenges they face while handling teenagers?
It is not a parenting book but one that highlights the lives that urban Indian teens are currently experiencing. It attempts to portray the true story of a section of a generation and then hope that parents can make an informed choice going forward. As they say, knowledge is power. I sadly feel that with such intense peer and social media pressure, the fairy tale is over before its time for this generation.
(The book, published by HarperCollins, releases on September 3.)