Alina Mustafina believes that you have to achieve self-goals before being with someone and getting tagged as ‘couple goals’
Everyone knows that we all strive for the ‘perfect relationship’. And, for this, we seek inspiration from others, mostly celebrities and our near and dear ones. We will be lying if we haven’t heard ourselves or someone else say that they are ‘looking for the Chandler to my Monica’, or ‘Jake to my Amy’, or ‘Ted to my Robin’.
While it is normal to seek inspiration from external sources, it is equally important to understand the reality of our situation. Achieving the ‘couple goals’ status requires some effort, romance, and mutual respect from both you and your partner. Irrespective of whether you are single or in a relationship, one needs to set their own ground rules and expectations of why they are in a relationship or on a dating app. Laying these rules can define your dating life and help you understand the kind of relationship you seek, what qualities you desire in your potential partner and what could be a red flag for you.
To help those who might be feeling a little stuck on these questions, here are some key pointers that you should bear in mind before taking the leap of faith that dating is, online or offline:
Don’t let one bad experience define you
There is a popular Hindi metaphor that goes, ‘doodh ka jala hua chaach bhi phuk phuk kar peeta hai’. While it means that one unpleasant experience will make you extremely cautious, in the context of the matter at hand, let us interpret it as-- a recent unpleasant experience in a romantic relationship makes you extra cautious in future relationships.
It is okay to be cautious of opening yourself to someone because of some past experiences. However, we should also understand that just because something happened in the past, it is not necessary that future pursuits will follow the same script. Rachel met Ross after Paolo (F.R.I.E.N.D.S reference). One should let this thought sink and commence their journey of love and dating with a positive affirmation.
What am I doing here?
This is the pertinent question to ask before you make your bio on dating apps or start dating someone. Self-introspection should be the ideal way to explore your romantic life.
The first step is to take some time to reflect and honestly ask yourself what it is that you’re looking for. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for a serious relationship or just want a Netflix and Chill partner. If you’re aware of, and understand, what you want, you won’t feel lost or confused about your love life.
Effort never goes out of style
We may make numerous excuses for forgetting anniversaries, missing out on dates, or just not replying to texts. But every successful relationship is built on the small efforts you and your loved one puts in. It is easy to enjoy the label of being someone’s girlfriend/ boyfriend, but not many will do justice to it. Planning breakfast dates, watching movies together or bonding over your favourite activities is the best way to spend time with your significant other!
Wired for life
When clouded with the fear of being judged or as issues pop up, we tend to shy away from standing for our core values. Undermining what you stand for, just for the sake of impressing someone isn’t right. A partner that believes and supports your moral values, even though they might disagree with them, is the one to always go for! If your mental wiring is the same, you are more likely to be wired for life, together.
Honesty is the best policy
Not all relationships will work out. Things might fizzle, you may lose interest or be unloved. All these things happen quite usually. But what is necessary is to address this and have the ‘we need to talk’-talk. It’s not fair to drag something that is hurting both you and your partner. Either speak your mind and see if things can be made better or maturely part ways. And even if you fall apart, there is always the chance to find a new love that will bring much more joy to your life.
Don’t forget that for a successful relationship, you need first to have a beautiful relationship with yourself!
(The author is the country manager of happn, an online dating app.)