To live with dignity”, was the simple, four-word response by 75-year-old Sharmila Borah when asked why she opted to move into an old age home here. No, she has not been abandoned by her children, nor was she living a life of penury. It’s a choice Borah, like many other ageing and the elderly, are making to continue living in a dignified manner into the sunset of their lives.
Two years ago, when Borah’s husband passed away after a long battle with cancer, she called her sons — both married and well-settled in Delhi and Bangalore — and announced her decision to move to the old-age home.
“There were murmurs among the relatives, but I couldn’t care less. It was a decision I had taken long back, when my husband was still alive. All our lives we had lived independently and with dignity, and I was not ready to compromise on that. I am sure my children would have been happy to take my responsibility, but it was not a decision I wanted them to take,” the feisty woman said.
Using her husband’s pension to take care of the rent, she says she is happy with the choice she made. “My children and grandchildren visit me, and I have visited them as well. I am comfortable here, plus I have a lot of company, which I wouldn’t have had if I stayed alone, or with my kids because everyone is so busy,” she added.
Although it’s still not viewed with approval, old-age homes are slowly becoming a choice that the elderly, mostly in the metros, are increasingly making for themselves. A change in the social structure which has made joint families a thing of past, when there was no dearth of company for the young and old. This has now led the aged looking for companionship even as the young get busy with their own lives.
Damayanti Devi, in-charge of the Kasturba Gandhi National Memorial Trust (KGNMT) in Guwahati, which runs various welfare projects said that most of the inhabitants of their home are ex-employees of the trust who have decided to stay on instead of going back to their families. “For most part of our lives we have lived here and after retirement most women realise that it’s now not possible to adjust to the lives that their families lead in the villages or the city. We get up at 4 am and complete all our work by 8 am. An office goer begins his day at that time...it’s a different lifestyle,” Damyanti Devi said.