Nysa and Yug are her life and she will go to any length for her children. But Kajol is unforgiving when it comes to discipline as she believes that today’s children lack manners and channeling. “Parenthood doesn’t mean one only showers affection on the child. It means nurturing the child into becoming a good human being,” the sultry actress says. She has been reading scripts ever since her son was born but nothing has excited her enough to take to the big screen. In 2014, however, she is going to be seen in a thriller. DEEBASHREE MOHANTY brings you this Mother’s Day report on a very special mother
She is feisty and bindaas. She is known for her I-don’t-care-about-what-the-world-thinks-about-me attitude. She feels complete as a woman and has no regrets about retiring from mainstream cinema at the peak of her career.
Meet Kajol, 37, very focused and very herself. “I have a wonderful husband. The most caring in-laws, two darling children and thousands of fans who want to be me. Can there be anything more satisfying than thisIJ” she asks you. Kajol has lost 23 kg after her second child Yug was born, visits the parlour more often than not and is actively engaged in advertising, but the one thing she doesn’t want to change about herself is herself.
“I live for my family. Nothing can take priority over that. My children are my biggest assets and I will go to any length for them. Sometimes, people tell me that I am too strict with them but I am yet to meet a mother who doesn’t believe in disciplining her child. Is there oneIJ,” she asks you just to confirm.
For her, Mother’s Day wishes are essential but not important. “Essential, because I want my daughter Nysa and son Yug to know about everything there is to this world. And, not important because it really is not one of ‘our’ customs or festivals,” she says.
A strict disciplinarian, Kajol is not shy to admit that her children are terrified of her — in a good way. “Ajay has a 40-day outdoor schedule for each of his films. If he does three films a year it means he is out of the house for most part of the year. In that case, I am their only guardian and the onus is on me to draw a line for my children,” she says.
Ask her if she was a difficult child and pat comes the reply. “I was head strong and had a massive ego. But I was scared of my mother. She would spank me if I did wrong. When she was around, I would be on my best behaviour but once she turned her back, I was the devil,” the 38-year-old actress tells you with a laugh.
Have things changed nowIJ “I am known to be fierce and feisty, and also slightly cranky. I don’t think I would be me if I changed all that. But yes, I have mellowed my anger and am in control of my emotions, something I have achieved through yoga and meditation,” she tells you.
Kajol may no longer be romancing the screen, but she likes to be abreast with the industry. She hates watching mediocre movies that Bollywood is churning out these days but there are a few she has loved. “last year, Iron Man 3 was a complete chavanni phenko movie. What excellent screenplay and amazing characterisation! I don’t hold myself back in a public place if something deserves a seeti. I have paid to enjoy the film so I enjoy it my way. Yes, I do get a lot of crazy stares from the audience but who caresIJ I ask them to follow suit,” she says, giggling.
In 2014, Kajol is yet to like a film enough to talk about it but Queen did leave an impression on her. “Kangana has grown as an actress and that is commendable. I know very few people who sweat it out in Bollywood. Kangana is one. She is a natural performer,” Kajol says.
It is little past lunch time but the diva is happy with her soup and salad which she usually has after 3 pm. A big believer in wholesome breakfast, she wants this meal to be unusual. It changes according to her family’s moods, she says.
“We eat together so there is a healthy mix of parathas, deep fried goodies, halwa puri, yoghurt (for my kids), cornflakes (Ajay’s favourite) and brown bread with Nutralite butter. On other days, there are pies and buns. It is like a normal breakfast scene in my family in which everyone’s preference is kept in mind. I like planning ahead for meals so we decide at dinner about the next meal. That way, I am prepared,” she says. Of course, south Indian fare is the most difficult assortment at home. “I love idlis but I hate to make them,” she confesses.
As for lunch, the actress who used to be a big fish fan has consciously stepped on to the health wagon. Ask her about the need for this delayed makeover and pat comes the reply. “In my prime, I never gave it a serious thought. My directors never insisted I thin my eyebrows or shape them, nor did it matter to them if I had a few inches over the zero figure mark. So, I really didn’t care. The focus was entirely on the script and acting. But today, I have noticed that equal weightage is given to looks and oomph. I may or may not subscribe to that view but I would like to change with time. Also, I feel nice about the way I look now. So I am going to carry on with my routine,” the actress, who doesn’t go a day without her cardio workouts, says.
There is yet another reason why she has given in to dressing up and applying make-up before she steps out. “I have the time now. My children are old enough and don’t need my constant attention. So, I have the time to look beautiful. Back then, my make-up was limited to the bare minimum,” Kajol recalls.
Her only advice to people who desperately want to lose weight is not to depend on instructors or weight loss technologies on the shelf. “The day Yug was born, I decided to get back into shape. I had become lethargic and I hated it. That is when I took to weight training seriously. It is just a matter of putting yourself in a strict routine and following it as if there is no way out. It took me exactly 10 days to get used to a strict diet schedule,” the actress who lost eight kg in a month after her delivery, says.
But does she never bingeIJ “I go out at least thrice a week, mostly with friends with whom I have a lot catching up to do. I eat my regular stuff at home before stepping out. It is the company not the food that matters. I am lucky to have a circle which thinks on the same lines. They don’t force me to have cheese popcorn during a movie. It may seem like a small thing but it is these little things that matter. They constitute the main picture,” she asserts.
Now that she is in perfect shape and ensconced in her family cocoon, Kajol won’t mind signing up a movie with a challenging role. “I am sick and tired of the word ‘comeback.’ In the past nine years, I have heard that I am making a comeback with every film. After marriage, when I did a film, I was making a comeback. After Yug was born, I signed for a cameo and people were still talking about my comeback. I will not deny that I’ve been reading scripts ever since Yug was born. But nothing interesting has come to me yet. I won’t do a movie just for the heck of it. I retired voluntarily in my prime and people missed me. If I am back, I don’t want them to say, ‘Oh! God, she was better not being here’. Since I have the financial liberty to take this decision of sitting at home why notIJ,” she asks.
But good news awaits her fans. The original queen of Bollywood will be back in a thriller this year. “There is nothing much to talk about right now. But I am already facing the camera and loving it,” she says, not willing to divulge more information about her upcoming film. Will we get to see an Ajay-Kajol film in the near futureIJ “I would love to be in a film which Ajay directs. But first, we need to find the right script. We enjoy sharing the screen together so, may be, if something really good comes by which has something in it for us, then why not,” she says.
Having talked about ‘friend’ Ajay and ‘husband’ Ajay, Kajol shares her thoughts on him as the father of her children. “He is such a warm person that he instantly makes everyone feel comfortable around him. He is a doting father who listens to everything his children say to him. Ajay was slightly nervous when Nysa came in but, with Yug, we have both become hands-on parents. We feel we know everything about parenthood,” she says laughingly.
Kajol is desperate that her three-year-old son grows up to be like her. The main reason, she says, is that Nysa (11) has gone on her dad. “She is a replica of Ajay. Shares the same temperament, is sensible about everything and seeks logic in everything that happens around her. I wish Yug is like me,” she says.
For Kajol, having the second child was a cakewalk but her first-born took quite a toll on the couple. “I was very paranoid when I was expecting Nysa. If I missed my vitamin supplement for a day, I would get very upset about it. But with Yug, I am more sure. If he skips his lunch for some reason, I am okay as I know he will have his dinner,” she says.
Known to be choosy about signing films, Kajol tells you that she has only become more so about what roles she is willing to do and the directors she will work for. She has no regrets about not doing Three Idiots, a movie she loved. “I told the director I would happily sign if I was playing Aamir’s character. I didn’t want to be just another heroine singing and dancing around in a pretty saree. That is not the kind of roles I have done. So why indulge in flaky onesIJ The role has to be meaty and meaningful and the script stunning for me to say yes,” Kajol insists.
Much serenaded for films like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kabhie Kushi Kabhie Gum, it was Gupt and Fanaa that excited her the most. Apart from the challenge, Kajol was thrilled to step out of her comfort zone and try something new.
“I have always wanted to push myself towards a negative role. Gupt landed on a platter. I am glad I pulled that off convincingly. In Fanaa, I was nervous about pulling off a handicap. I never get carried away with my own performance but when I saw Fanaa, I was crying. I was unbelievable in that role,” she recalls while talking about the premiere of that Aamir starrer in Mumbai. It was the icing on the cake for Kajol when she won her fifth Filmfare Award for Best Actress for Fanaa. She feels passionately about handicapped people and says there have been some remarkable films around them.
“Kudos to the makers of Barfi! What a great attempt that was. Ranbir Kapoor may not look it but he gives very matured performances. I was very impressed by him,” Kajol says. As for the leading ladies of today, it is Parineeti Chopra who has taken her breath away.
“I saw her in Ishaqzaade and I liked what I saw. There is refreshing spontaneity in her which reminded me of me. I have always believed in being myself while doing a role. If you have got that right, there is nothing stopping you from delivering a standing ovation performance,” the actress who looks up to Sridevi, tells you.
Sri has been a role model ever since Kajol began to act at 17. “Sridevi has the perfect life. She began with a bang, left with a bang and is back with a lot of noise too. She has paced out her career so well. Whenever I meet Sri, I tell her to open an acting school. I will be the first one to enroll there,” Kajol says about her favourite actress, after mother Tanuja that is.
“My mother was a trendsetter. What she wore, her personality, her acting and her chemistry with co-stars — everything was to die for. I wish I had a fraction of her talent. I would say, I am only 20 per cent as talented as my mother. It was not just her career that mom shaped beautifully. She’s been a brilliant homemaker too. I don’t remember having missed out on anything because my mother was not there. I take parenting tips from her,” she tells you.
And what is the best tip that she has taken from Sri: “I don’t believe in the spare-the-rod-and-pamper-the child theory. My children know that there are certain lines that they cannot cross. If they do, there will be punishment. Both Nysa and Yug don’t have the liberty to do what they want or buy whatever they see. I am very particular about how much to spend on them and in what ways. I don’t have naughty children. Both are very understanding. When Yug was about to be born, I had this session with Nysa wherein I explained to her that she would have to take on the role of a responsible sister. Now, when I have to step out for work, Nysa assures me, ‘I will take care of him mamma, you go’. Yug loves her like crazy too,” the actress says.
But Ajay is relentless. It is this quality of never giving up on relationships that attracted Kajol to him in the first place. “He is a keeper in the true sense of the term,” she tells you, adding that she feels complete with her family.
As for Ajay’s work, Kajol is not the interfering types. Whenever Ajay seeks her opinion she gives a frank one. “ I tell him if I don’t like a movie. Bas that’s it. I have no role in coaxing him to do a movie or asking him to reject a script. It’s his choice,” she says.
‘Give them the independence’
For the initial two-and-a-half months after the birth of her baby Aryana Mahima Chaudhury had no idea what had hit her. “It was not a happy trance that I found myself in. I was very nervous about everything. If she sneezed more than once, I would pick up my phone to call the pediatrician. Someone needed to calm me then,” Chaudhury who is the mentor of Ticket to Bollywood on NDTV Prime, says.
Ideal parenting tipIJ “I have learnt to just relax and let the child grow as he or she wants. Independence is a big thing and everyone should be given that. It teaches the child much more than what a parent can. I have tried this with Aryana and it seems to have worked. She pays heed to experience over anything else,” Chaudhury says. For mother-daughter, nature walks are a huge source of pleasant experiences.
‘Parenting is for both parents’
Actress-turned-activist and singer Celina Jaitly took a two-year sabbatical from Bollywood after the birth of her twin sons Winston and Viraaj but now she is raring to be back in the industry. “I had a lot of fun spending time with my babies and watching them grow. I have no regrets about this break and I am happy that I was around them in the most important years of their life. Motherhood is a very beautiful feeling” Jaitly says. But the pleasure of being a mother has also a great sense of responsibility. “My life has changed 360 degrees after the birth of my twins.
Initially, I was apprehensive whether I could do justice as a mother. My husband and I work as partners and distribute our duties,” Jaitly, who makes a comeback in No Entry 2, shares the secret of parenting.
—Sangeeta Yadav