Matters of the heart can be quite complicated, especially given the tricks of the mind. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar tells us how we can make love last forever
love is not just an emotion. It is your very existence. When you love someone, you want to see them happy and you want them to have the best. So, what are the signs of loveIJ When you love someone you don’t see anything wrong in him/her. Even if you see some fault, you justify it saying, “Well, everyone does it. It is normal.” You think you have not done enough for him/her. The more you do, the more you want to do for him/her. Ordinary things become extraordinary. For example, a baby winking at its grandmother becomes an extraordinary event. You want them to be yours, exclusively. And, finally, you get hurt even over small things.
In love, even an object gains life. Stones speak to you, trees speak to you, the sun, the moon and the whole creation become alive and divine. When hearts are united, then whatever one talks, it is music. That’s why when lovers repeat the same thing 10 times, one likes to hear them. That is because our relationship is from our hearts. In lust, even a living being becomes a mere object. You end up even objectifying people. Here are some salient attributes of love and lust: lust brings tension, whereas love brings relaxation. lust focuses on the part, love focuses on the whole. lust brings violence, love brings sacrifice. In lust, you want to grab; in love, you want to give. In lust, there is effort; love is effortless. lust causes feverishness, love causes longing. lust imprisons, while love liberates. lust demands, and love commands.
With whom do you feel really comfortable and at easeIJ You feel comfortable with someone who does not question your love, someone who takes for granted that you love them. If someone doubts your love and you constantly have to prove it, this becomes a heavy load on your head. When someone doubts your love, he/she starts questioning you and demanding explanations for all your actions. To explain everything you do is a burden. Your nature is to shed the burden, and so you don’t feel comfortable.
When you question the reason behind an action, you are seeking justice for yourself. You are creating a distance when you ask for justice. Your whole intention is to come close but you are creating a distance. You are a witness to all your actions. You are as much a stranger to your own actions as you are to someone else’s. You are the eternal witness. When someone asks for an explanation, he/she is speaking from doership and imposing that doership on you. This brings discomfort.
True love is non-possessive and brings freedom, and renunciation is nothing but freedom. Only in freedom can love fully blossom. When in love you say, “I want nothing, I just want this.” In love, there is no other need. You renounce the attachment, the possessiveness. Renunciation doesn’t diminish love; it enhances it. Without renunciation love turns into misery, possessiveness, jealousy and anger. Renunciation brings contentment and contentment sustains love. Without it one gets discontented, frustrated, sad, fearful, suspicious, analytical, etc. If somebody is just there with you, like a part of you, he/she doesn’t question you. A companion is like your arm. There is thorough understanding and questions don’t arise. Neither demand an explanation nor give an explanation. Why would someone tell a lie to his/her close onesIJ This is a question most often asked by lovers. Since love cannot stand untruth, this causes relationships to break up.
The solution lies in understanding the paradox of love and truth. People tell lies just to save and maintain love. The fear that the truth might damage their love causes lies to be told between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, parents and children and in family situations. In love, you feel weak and truth brings strength. Yet why do people prefer love over truth, that is, weakness over strengthIJ No one wants to sacrifice love. Thus people are ready to give up the truth. love takes the lustre out of truth. Sometimes truth can make love bitter while in love even lies can appear sweet, like Krishna’s lies to his mother Yashoda.
This brings us to the question: Why do we love someoneIJ Is it because of his/her qualities, or is it because of a sense of kinship or intimacyIJ You can love someone for his/her qualities and not feel a sense of connection or affinity. This type of love gives rise to competition and jealousy. This is not the case when love arises out of a connection or affinity. If you love someone for his/her qualities, then when the quality changes or you get used to it, love also changes. However, if you love someone out of a connection or affinity, because he/she belongs to you, then that love remains for a lifetime. Knowledge, sadhana, seva and satsang help bring about a sense of belonging in no time. When love springs forth from a sense of belonging, then the actions and qualities do not overshadow the love. Neither the qualities nor actions can be perfect all the time. love and a feeling of connection alone can be perfect. The truth that does not nourish love has no sense and the love that cannot withstand the truth is not true love.
When one is assured that the love is so strong that the truth can neither break it nor cause bitterness, then the truth prevails and love shines. Truth has judgements, but true love is beyond judgements. Thus true love makes you weak and yet it is the greatest strength.
Courtesy: www.artofliving.org