The Kiss of life
Author- Emraan Hashmi, Bilal Siddiqi
Publisher- Penguin, Rs399
Emraan Hashmi talks to ANANYA BORGOHAIN about how his son survived cancer at age four, how the family practises all religions at home, and what he feels about being confined to the same image even after a decade in the Hindi film industry
How aware is Ayaan about his illnessIJ
We have not hidden anything from him. I think protecting him from the knowledge of the circumstances would have been unreasonable; more dangerous, so to say. Sharing information with the child is more essential.
He is only six. Do you worry that he would be anxious among his friends with the fear of a remission always lurking in the cornerIJ
He has fought cancer when he was just four. I don’t think he could be scared of anything beyond what he has already suffered. I think kids are actually far more resilient than grown ups. Their worldview is more optimistic and positive. We fume and fret over silly things. Children, on the other hand, are better equipped to handle sensitive situations in many ways.
Have you told him that Batman doesn’t existIJ
Not yet, and yes, that is something I have to figure out. Batman is his inspiration, his alter ego. I will need to think it through before breaking it to him.
How did Ayaan react when he learned about his illnessIJ
Children don’t react the way we do. They are not as frightened as we are with concepts of cancer and death. In fact, he is happy to see that a book has been written on his ordeal. He knew this book was coming as we also did a photoshoot with him to promote it. He was excited about the book and now carries it all the time with him.
How did your association with you co-author startIJ
Bilal Siddiqi was working with Hussain Zaidi (investigative journalist and author). I knew Hussain and was telling him about cancer and my research on it. It was then that he suggested that I document it all in the form of a book so that even if it reaches one family who is going through the same situation, it would be worth it. He introduced me to Bilal, who has written a book already.
How was the co-writing arrangedIJ
The account was documented by me and I narrated it to him and then he wrote it. I typed my version too and then we discussed which parts need to be edited, what is adding to or diminishing from the book. Hussain also gave us his inputs. Then there were the details and anecdotes which I needed to recall, in the middle of my shoots, in fact. It was important for the book to take readers to a space where they can feel its environment. For this palpable space, I really needed to sit down and think about minute details from the time, write and send them to Bilal. It took a year to materialise it. Hussain was in touch with the publishers and they approached me for it. Writing this was therapeutic, it’s my journey to peace.
There are literary references (Shakespeare’s comedy of errors), vividly poetic descriptions of the Mumbai rains in the book and mention of health literature that you consumed during this period. Were you always a reader or a writerIJ
I have been a reader but there’s no particular author whose work I have followed. I prefer non-fiction — real accounts, biographies etc — and at the time of writing the book, I was obsessed with information about cancer so most of my readings were related to health. I used to write about my own daily accounts, about vacations or work, but never really sat down to write a whole story.
Why did you choose Canada specifically for Ayaan’s treatmentIJ
To begin with, I didn’t want Ayaan to go through any psychological impact. So I wanted a hospital that had a counselling centre. We didn’t want a general hospital but a pediatric one as it was anyway a grim situation to be in. This particular one in Canada didn’t look like a hospital at all. It had fictional characters in costumes assembled at a fun place. We tricked Ayaan into believing that he was on a vacation. It was a space where he felt invited and happy. Secondly, my wife has close family members settled there.
The book has an interesting format. At times, it’s Ayaan’s struggle with cancer and in other times, you are writing about your own history. Why didn’t you consider a separate memoir of your own thenIJ
I don’t think it would have been half as interesting if it was just about me! We merged Ayaan and my stories to give the readers a break from the bleak details. Again, it was Hussain’s idea to prevent it from being too overpowering. We wanted relief too. Also, I seldom share about my life with media. Not many know I have been a child actor for advertisements or a door to door salesman, so I felt it would be a good time to talk about it.
Do you feel underhyped that even after a decade, you are still associated with your image from your Murder daysIJ People tend to forget your performances in films like Shanghai, Once Upon a Time in Mumbai etc. You have also done Oscar winner Danis Tanovic’s Tigers.
I don’t feel apologetic about doing the erotic scenes or any onscreen kiss. What the audience chooses to remember me as is their prerogative and I can’t do much about it. There is still a certain section that appreciates my unconventional roles. But, to each their own. I am open to doing all kinds of work.
Not many also know that you have a very uniquely secular background.
My father is a Muslim, mother Christian, and wife Hindu. We are respectful to everyone’s faith. There are many belief systems and influences in my family. My God isn’t superior to yours and vice versa. Mutual respect is crucial. That’s how we have brought Ayaan up too.
What television series do you like to watchIJ
I like shows like Breaking Bad, Narcos, and documentaries.
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