A few months ago I was affected by a bad case of laryngitis and couldn’t speak for a few days. This also coincided with a period when there was some underlying stress at the workplace. As I couldn’t depend on my voice to communicate with others, I ended up paying much more attention to the body language, behaviour and non-verbal communication of my colleagues. I slowly started observing that a colleague seemed much more worried than usual. I encouraged her to open up and communicate the reasons for her current situation. She felt better and talked about her anxieties. During the course of our discussions, it soon became clear that the tension was unnecessarily caused due to some misunderstanding. At the end of the 5-minute conversation, I realised that by addressing the issue at the earliest we ensured that we reduced her stress significantly.
A child learns to hold a simple conversation by the age of two or three. She understands that to express her needs and wants, she will have to communicate. Adults on the other hand quite often forget to place adequate importance on the need for proper communication.
That said, it is vital to understand that communication is different than merely speaking. The word communicate finds its roots in the latin word, communicare, which means ‘to share’. It is a relevant and meaningful exchange of feelings, ideas and thoughts. So, there are two or more active participants in this dialogue.
Communication :
A learned skill
While speaking comes naturally to people, communication needs effort and understanding. For effective communication one needs to listen when the other person is speaking. And by listen, I mean truly pay attention to the person and her words, and not just on your interpretation of them.
A “No” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
~ Mahatma Gandhi
How can you communicate better in your day to day lifeIJ learn to listen. Be honest and direct in your speech. Organize your thoughts before you speak. Try observing the emotions of others. Smile more. Try saying a kind word. Be appreciative of others. Speak to the relevant person.
Be humble and accept that you could be wrong. The worst arguments are based on wrong information, incorrect perception and bad communication. The longer you put off a conversation the more complicated you can expect the situation to become.
So, when you are uncomfortable with a situation, the easiest and best way to handle it is by speaking to the concerned person about your feelings. More often than not, the other person will also feel the same way, and be relieved to communicate freely and openly with you.
The quiet power of listening
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ~ Stephen Covey
Everyone wants to be heard, this is perhaps the biggest validation that a person can receive. It acknowledges the fact that they matter. And very often because they have been heard, people continue to grow in their personal and professional lives. When listening, remember to free the conversation from bias and preconceived notions.
Sometimes there can be silence and pauses during a conversation, and these are important, since they allow one to assimilate the words and their meaning, and respond accordingly. Treasure the silence. The 5 minute conversations will become more meaningful.
(The writer is a social activist and former COO for the Uttarakhand Government 108 emergency services)