Stress’ is bound to be a common word in any conversation in any point of time and across spatial orders. It has also not spared children studying in primary classes. Everyone has stress now and few have solutions which do not last. So, one lives with it as one lives with a mole which cannot be removed.
On the other hand, if one scans any media channel be it print, audio or video, there are hundreds of formulas, all bottled beautifully, which claim to combat stress. Then, how is it that this phenomenon is still here and growing in intensity everyday, ultimately manifesting in lifestyle diseases like diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, etc. In Indonesia, where I lived for some time, people said that their heads got jammed with various issues, just as the brakes of a vehicle do, and it’s not surprising that the country has very high levels of stroke patients.
It is, therefore, a certainty that we must look for solutions, but before that it is necessary to understand what stress is, its causes and why it has been attaining severity over time. You may also google the answer to find the remedies, but it has not been helping much as we come back to square one soon after reading and practising. Mind travels faster than light and mind control, which is at the root of controlling stress, is the most difficult of all practices.
This article attempts an explanation given by our ancient Indian scriptures, which is simple to understand and absorb. Seers say that worries arise when there is a difference between expectation and reality. This gap creates stress. If you ask any parent whose child is appearing for the twelfth standard examination about how much he or she is going to secure, he will tell you that it should be a minimum of 98 per cent. Why has such a number been fixed in the mindIJ It’s because the parent feels that without this kind of a performance the child will not have adequate scope to join a professional course. So, this is the expectation that he has. Not all parents will achieve this number, nor even near about due to the simple reason that the child may be of a much lower standard. There exists a gap between reality and expectation, and this ultimately causes stress and frustration in the long run.
Somehow, the mind has not been trained to accept reality. It doesn’t mean that we will not attempt to improve upon reality. Say that a student has been securing 40 per cent all through; then with the help of coaching classes probably he will improve but rarely will he go up to 98 per cent. This is a fact that should be accepted by the parent. There is nothing to feel depressed about this fact. With a little improvement he may be eligible for other skill-based courses, which will give him gainful employment in the future. Nowadays, the demand is for top professional courses or nothing. This non-acceptance of reality creates tremendous stress when reality ultimately dawns after several years when the person just roams the streets doing nothing.
Same is the case with the youth waiting to get married. All the bachelors want to marry a Miss Universe or Miss World and the women want to marry a Mr Universe or at least clones of them. Expectations are very high, and when this is not realised it causes stress. It’s important to know about the causes of high expectations and why this didn’t exist four decades back in India. The rapid growth of consumerism and its media manifestation have led to creation of high expectations. Now, this cannot be avoided as we have no control over the two factors. It is only the paradigm of reality that we can assess and control. Recently in an interview with management professionals, I found that they would be happy if they had a wish list like a couple of apartments, a large car, expensive holidays, etc. After struggling and getting the jobs, they were still not happy, rather more stressed than before as they had to achieve the wish list.
Counsellors say that this kind of stress is necessary as it helps a person move ahead in life. It sure does, the flip side being hypertension, diabetes and other lifestyle diseases which attack a person in his early thirties. So, we have to make a wise choice about what we want. Regarding the reality, assessment is most important. Most of us live in a fool’s paradise when it comes to recognition of reality. Rather, calling it a denial mode would be appropriate. If a woman weighs 90 kg and has a dark skin, there is only one element which can be controlled, i.e, the weight, and the skin colour cannot be. So, these facts have to be accepted the controllable element worked upon. She can definitely acquire a zero size figure and look good, but the skin colour will remain the same.
To avoid stress we accept, and does this mean that we crush our dreams and become stress-free robotsIJ No, it’s not like that. We accept the uncontrollable items and reduce the gap between reality and expectation. In this case, we bring down the expectations. In other cases where the reality can be controlled, we raise the reality paradigm and bring it closer to the expectations. This will reduce the gap and curb the stress. It is also an accepted fact that some amount of stress is good for the adrenalin to keep going and for us to keep moving. In the subsequent article, we will discuss about specific and practicable methods of reducing stress.