It’s easy to point fingers when things go wrong, but true growth begins with self-reflection
We all are used to blaming others for our woes. There are some exceptions, mostly devotees of God. Why do we behave thus almost instinctively? There are two main reasons. One is doing so is easy. This way we don’t have to take responsibility for our troubles, though this is the exact opposite of the ‘Karmaphala Principle’, which is “what we sow is what we reap.” We are forever doing ‘karmas’ (acts) by our minds, speech and bodies. We may not think so, but it is true. When we have fearful thoughts, there are bodily manifestations like sweating, increased heartbeats, etc.
As regards speech, we know that when speak nicely we get rewarded. On the other hand, getting angry or abusing someone evokes similar responses. Bodily acts like working in an office brings us a salary. However, some acts do not bring immediate results or fruits; they do so in future, even in future lives. All our acts are duly recorded by the Divine Authority; they know exactly what we do. Nothing is hidden from them. This is God’s arrangement under whose supervision they work. (The Bhagavad-Geeta 9.10) The other reason is acceptance that we are really small and quite ignorant. We have made mistakes in the past. This hurts our ego. All others can and do make mistakes except us. The feeling of superiority, which we lull ourselves to nurture, gets dented. What harm do we cause ourselves when we don’t take responsibility for our acts at least internally? We won’t do anything about correcting our flaws.
They will continue to haunt us. Because we only can correct our faults; nobody else can. We have free will to decide what we do. And finding faults in others won’t help, because they won’t correct themselves just because we desire it. Therefore, whatever caused our troubles remain. Someone may point out that many times strangers cause us trouble like a drunk driver. Yes, it is true, but this happens because he only acted as a medium to cause us trouble, as it was destined according to the Karmaphala Principle. This is reality. The same is true about troubles given to us by natural forces. God has warned us that this will happen in this place of misery. (8.15)Then, we make enemies of people, who we blame.
These are mostly near and dear ones, with whom we associate. What do you think is the primary cause of family feuds? It is a blame game when something goes wrong. These are the people, who are crucial for our peace of mind. We don’t please God either, because blaming others for what wrong we have done is against ‘dharma’. This way we distance ourselves from the only entity, who can help us to correct our flaws, especially in our nature. God has promised to even get us out of all troubles if we develop God’s consciousness. (18.58) But will we listen? What is the solution? Start with the realisation that we are fallible; we will make mistakes as we have done in the past. We must have, otherwise we won’t be bound to the birth and death cycle.
The quality of humility is very important in this regard, as it is in all interpersonal relationships. Starting to do spiritual practices, which suit our nature will help greatly. Why? God comes into the picture. He begins to take an interest in us. This is what I have done, and believe me results are unbelievable. My Lord is micromanaging my life. Minor miracles happen all the time leaving me astonished.
(The writer is a spiritual teacher; views are personal)