We must learn to see others as souls like ourselves, worthy of respect and understanding
Yes, spirituality can help in maintaining good relationships. I will cite several examples, where solutions are available in spirituality.Beginning with the common fault of seeing fault in others, don’t we have faults? Therefore, others must have too. How should we deal with this problem? Lord Krishna guides in the Bhagavad-Geeta, “We should not cause confusion in the minds of ignorant persons, rather should pacify.” (3.26) Let us assume that our assessment of other person is right.
Then, accept it and somehow manage the situation. We should be able to do so if we indeed are wise. Another common flaw is to get angry with someone and maintain anger. What benefit is there in doing so? All we will do is to cause harm to ourselves. The Geeta illuminates, “From anger, foolishness results; from foolishness, bewilderment results; from bewilderment, loss of intelligence occurs; and by the loss of intelligence, a person is doomed.” (2.63) This sequence is repeated in the lives of all those who harbour anger. How does spirituality help? Forgive and be done with it. What benefit will be derived by harbouring anger?
Rather one can be a happy person. (5.23)Thoughts of illicit acts are another common problem. Who can claim that he or she doesn’t get them: The only exceptions are highly advanced devotees like Swami Vivekananda. What is the spiritual solution? Lord Krishna has drawn the line when He stated, “I am passion in beings, according to religious principles.” (7.11) Otherwise, get ready to burn as warned in this verse, “By this insatiable fire in the form of lust, which is the eternal enemy of a knowledgeable person knowledge is covered.” (3.39) Close relationships like marriage require special attention. In spiritual terms, we are packages with both good and bad. Our natures are parts of these. When we are born we bring them into our present lives. These are parts of our fate and don’t change much in our lifetime, mainly the major factors. This is the solution for marriage partners. We must accept them as they are. Disliking would not help; acceptance will, as long as there is no violation of dharma like maintaining illicit relationships. From the Geeta we learn that even a man of knowledge endeavours according to his nature; persons follow nature. What will repression do? (3.33) God can help if we are determined, but it is a very slow process.Another major deterrent to good relationships is a clash of egos. Everyone is trying to prove his or her superiority, whereas there is only one superior, i.e. God. We are all small, ignorant and quite helpless really.
This is what ego means. Sooner we give up the false sense of superiority and become humble better we will be served. Humility is a great quality to achieve relationships. One will begin appreciating instead, which endears us to one and all. One will have no dearth of friends, which all egoists lack. Just like everyone has faults, everyone has some good qualities also. Look for them and you will find plenty.
Make a habit of thanking whenever some favour is done to us; this habit entitles us to more favours. Lord Krishna has asked us to see all others as souls just like us. (5.18) There must be basic regard for all human beings. We are judgemental, and, unfortunately, suffer due to our very limited knowledge. How much do we know about anything in its totality – the Big Picture? Only God knows. Therefore, our expectations are very high from others and, inevitably, very little from ourselves. If we are not so judgemental our relations with others will be conducive to dealing. We will appreciate that the circumstances of others may not be so favourable to them. We will be better served in dealing with others if we embrace spirituality. We will not step in the three doors to hell, which are lust, anger and greed. And if we can control our hateful tendencies, we will endear ourselves to others greatly.
(The writer is a spiritual teacher, views expressed are personal)
