Emotional baggage leads to stress, unrest and unhappiness, so it is better to forgive and move on. Clinical psychologist Prachi tells us how to start afresh
Emotional baggage refers to distasteful past experiences and negative emotions that can be overwhelming. It also denotes other people’s clutter that seeps in when one doesn’t enforce boundaries. As human beings we all carry a certain amount of emotional baggage, though our bags differ from others. The baggage is a product of unresolved and/or unexamined psychological hurts which are internalised and develop as fears that we may or may not be aware of. It conditions our mind to think in rigid and unrealistic ways. This can result from direct, personal experiences of tragic loss. It can also come from more indirect experiences on a societal level such as exposure to natural or man-made disasters.
If we don’t get rid of the emotional baggage, what impact can it have on futureIJ
The pain and bitterness gets stored in our body, is projected onto the future and we pay the price in form of repeating the hurtful, unhealthy pattern and being overly emotional. Baggage can turn our lives into desperation, chronic misery or one long nightmare. Emotional baggage causes stress, illness and unrest. It interferes and repeatedly sabotages our happiness, composure, plans, commitments, reputation, progress and accomplishments. It is difficult to move into the new space in our life when we are burdened with old pain, fear and rejection.
A major question that often remains unanswered is why don’t we let goIJ Many people drag on because the missing thing or person is the answer to their life and aspirations.
Others think a certain emotion or event is another person’s responsibility, which is less demanding than forcing oneself to step out of the comfort zone and dare to visualise a setting where the mishaps are the results of the poor choices one makes.
Releasing emotional baggage is painful and takes courage, involving a frustrating struggle between our hearts and minds, thinking one way, but feeling another. People, on the whole, prefer to ignore and bury them. Bearing the weight of emotions is an easily made choice.
Here are some tips to give you a fresh start, say goodbye and move beyond emotional impasses:
Become aware of your baggage. When it comes to emotional baggage, the first and most important step is to identify what type of baggage do you have (debt, anger, betrayal etc)IJ Once you accept, decide what you’d like to do about it. Some of our baggage will stay with us for the rest of our lives, but more likely than not, we can work through a lot of it.
Mentally open and unpack the suitcase. Write down all the hurts as you unpack. This may not be an easy exercise, as it often requires re-living the hurt. Now, find a positive for each situation. For every negative, there is almost always a positive, if you look for it.
Express your emotions. Acknowledge your emotions. There is nothing wrong with being depressed but allow yourself to experience feelings that you may have pushed deep inside. Don’t blame yourself for how you feel.
Reflect on your relations. As you go through life, it is easy to find others who suffer from the same baggage or who have a knack to resurface old baggage. After all, you can relate to one another. look for people who can help you cultivate healthier habits.
Think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause youIJ Does it affect your relationships, work or familyIJ Does it cause you unhappiness and stop you from pursuing your dreamsIJ If yes, avoid reminiscing all day long and realise that the past is over. Focus on the present moment.
Realise you have a choice. You can only control your actions and thoughts and not of others. Choose your battles to avoid reliving the hurt, how to respond to your predicament and move on.
Empathise. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand what could have happened in the past to make him/her do what s/he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t bad.
Find closure. Forgive and move on.