learning to love yourself is critical for gaining self-confidence and attracting success, says Jai Madaan
learning to love yourself first sounds like a cliché. Often though, if you can really look at cliches there’s a kernel of wisdom to be devoured. And it’s very much the case with this one.
If you don’t love yourself, you have a deficit in self-confidence which causes you to unconsciously push people and opportunity away from you. But you can’t even see you’re doing it. You’re too caught up in your own unworthiness. Basically your struggles are due to the fact that you are too minded identified. At sometime in your childhood, you were hurt (we all were at some point) and in all your childhood ignorance, you made yourself wrong for bringing about the hurtful situation. As a consequence you have shaped your personality in such a way as to ensure you never experience that hurt again. So, for example, perhaps you had a best friend in school who you absolutely loved. And then one day, that friend said they didn’t like you anymore and no longer wanted your friendship. As a way to cope with such a terrifying situation, you may have opted to always keep your distance from people (perhaps just of the same sex) in the future. The problem is, you adopted this belief (that it’s not safe to get too close to others) for life. But circumstances change. You grew up. People mature. You really can do away with this belief now but you don’t even know you have it.
The truth is, unless you’re taught how, you will find it impossible to know how to love yourself. It’s not a logical process. loving yourself gives you self-worth, self-respect and self-confidence. love is a behaviour and it starts with you. If you don’t love yourself, you will never be able to truly love and experience the infinite joy of giving and receiving love. The more you love yourself and draw on the infinite source of love from within your own heart, the more your heart expands and you begin to experience love and happiness for no reason. Self-confidence grows as a by-product of self-love, so stay focussed on loving yourself. Here are the keys to help you.
Have compassion
loving yourself is not about being perfect or egotistical pride. It’s about discovering your authentic self, your passion, what gives life meaning and purpose for you, not for someone else. Be vigilant of the mind coming in with criticism and judgement. let those thoughts pass by and stay with feelings of great compassion for yourself. love yourself no matter what. If other people criticise you, let them. You can never please everyone else, only some of the people some of the time. But you can always please and love yourself. On the surface this might seem selfish but those who fill up their own well first have the most to give others. However, you only truly obtain self-love by having compassion for the self, so you can appreciate and do considerate deeds for others.
Take responsibility
A pivotal turning point for me was to take responsibility for what was not working in my life and stop blaming other people. As soon as I took responsibility I gained my power back and became the master of myself instead of the victim of other people’s manipulations. look at the people and situations in your life right now. What do you seeIJ Who/what do you not likeIJ See if the people/situations you don’t like reflect something about you. We can’t change what we are not aware of and don’t acknowledge. Sometimes this is obvious, sometimes very subtle. Take a long hard look. As soon as you shine the light of conscious awareness on something inside of you, a transformation happens.
Be courageous
Courage is not an absence of fear. Courage is rather the presence of fear, with the guts to face it. Courage comes from the heart and really this journey is about moving from the head to the heart. Fear and greed live in the mind so allow your heart to become the master and the mind the servant of the heart. Then you will have things in the right order and your life will align and flow with much more grace and ease. You will be amazed how the universe steps in to support you when you follow your heart. Do something courageous today.
Along my path to learn about myself and work on my own self-love, I discovered several major truths that still resonate with me and support my personal effort. To begin with an excellent way to begin to love yourself is to do something loving for you. When you treat yourself with kindness, it makes you feel good. The more you feel good, the more you want to treat yourself with kindness. Each loving act, however big or small, is a brick in the foundation of self-love.