What’s it like to finally ‘come outIJ’ Pradipta Panda shares stories of the lGBT community in his new book. Ankita Jain reports
I know I am a man, but do people see me as oneIJ Also, they see in me a woman, but do I feel like oneIJ asked Manav, who spent sleepless nights asking God to “correct” him. There are others like him, with the same stories, pain, and desires.
Co-wife is based on an up-close account of middle-class gay men in urban and semi-urban India. The stories run through a gamut of emotions and stages of self discovery — the painful confusion about identity during the growing-up years, humiliation piled on by a deeply homophobic society, finding love, longing and lust, pangs of separation and abandonment and finally an acceptance of self without shame or guilt — not necessarily in a linear progression.
“The plot captures the pathos, the problems and the mental trauma faced by the lGBT community. It revolves around the relationship of a straight woman, Pranami and a gay man, Manav, whom she loves. Manav is a bisexual and a crusader of the lGBT community. Through real life stories of gays and lesbians, I have tried to bring to light their experiences and raison d'être for choosing to love, live life, and have sex with partners of the same sex,” said Pradipta Panda, author of the book.
Based on extensive research, he found that any lay man, lGBT is a westernised concept confined to the metropolis. “Alternative sexuality is just an orientation and gets its wing with exposure and circumstances. Metros and western culture are open and allow so many interpretations which have restricted appeal in remote and village areas. In rural areas, people with a different orientation hide to survive. Sex itself is taboo as a subject of discussion and dialogue in rural areas. So imagine how difficult it is to understand and peel the layers in that space. The pride parades and parties shown in mainstream media make lGBT a westernised and urban concept. It is seen to be like golf, an elite class game.”
He met people, especially young lads, through various social media platforms. Each one of them came in with their histories, filled with angst, subtle discrimination, some blatant ill-treatment and a deep desire to love. He was curious to know more about the lives of lGBT people in India, because it fell midway between the liberal countries and those that repressed sexual minorities. “Most lGBTs in India delay or don’t come out to avoid hurting their families. Also, there are various classifications and categories among the community. It is a minority within many minorities. I came across a person, who is an Indian, living in the US. He is a gay in a straight world; a mathematician working in literature. I am happy things are changing in this generation, when the lGBT community is part of the discourse, unlike past times, when any article on gays had quotes by Ashok Row Kavi, hairstylist Sylvie and a psychiatrist had silhouette photos to go with it,” explained Pradipta. He further added, “One of them recalled a campaign in 2000 to make gay people more visible. It used to be difficult to find 50 people who’d put forward their names; now, we have people begging to be included.”
He spoke about how the voices of the lGBT community are usually ignored at work in an understated way. When faced with prejudice, change the environment, he suggested. And, let people know that you know your right. “Because they inhabited different worlds at the same time; it was a matter of leaving one identity at the door and taking on another. Many a time, it is about little challenges.”