I don’t know why everyone is surprised that I’ve written a novel. You see, fiction and non-fiction are two different genres and I like to keep my mind open. My tastes in music are varied, too. I love Indian classical music and Bharatanatyam, but I also listen to Western rock. There is a misconception that if you are a philosopher, you should be square and serious. In my view, if you are a philosopher you should be joyful and happy. If not, your philosophy is negative philosophy directing you towards depression. Vedanta is positive philosophy.
This was a story that was going round and round in my mind. It is a novel, yes, but it is largely about Ashok’s spiritual quest. In many ways, Ashok could be my alter ego — what my life could have been had I not been born into a situation where my life was already, as it were, in the public domain. My birthday was a public holiday for 16 years in Jammu and Kashmir! Being a Shiva bhakt, I had to bring Him into the novel.
The setting of the novel was not unfamiliar; it was Kashmir — the place where I lived. My house is on the Mountain of Shiva, right at the foot. All the places I’ve mentioned in the book are real places. The novel is set in the early 1960s, the Kashmir I’ve described is the pre-insurgency, pre-militancy valley famous for its romance with the snow-clad peaks. The places I have mentioned still exist, like the Martand ruins, Pahalgam, but the ambience has changed considerably. Quite a few readers have asked me why have I not dealt with the issue of terror in the valley, but you see, that was a time of no hint of terror or danger. Kashmir then, was the most sought after honeymoon destination. And no, my novel is not escapist. It describes a situation that used to exist previously. I had written the novel three decades ago, the description is true to its times. I had no intention of bringing nostalgia into the way I wrote about the locations. Many have asked me if I miss Kashmir. Well, yes and no. I go back to Kashmir for two or three weeks every summer but it’s not like I pine for the place. I have been living in Delhi for almost half a century and I feel quite comfortably at home here.
The thing is, I have never looked back, either in anger or in regret. Regretting about the glorious past will only pollute your present consciousness. It is very important to count your blessings and keep moving forward.
Soon after I wrote this novel, I got deeply involved in politics. At the age of 36 when I entered the cabinet, I became fully engrossed and so the question of writing another novel didn’t arise. I had been, of course, writing other books. And when Bhaskar Roy (CEO, Palimpsest) said that I must give him another book, I revisited the novel and added the epilogue. Often, a professional novelist is judged by the number of pages he has written but I had no such constraints. This book could have been spun out into three times of its size, but I didn’t really want to pad it up. All I wanted to do was tell a story. My writing style is not very verbose; I like to keep my sentences short, simple and crisp. While the book delves deep into Sri Aurobindo’s philosophy, I have also incorporated quite a few poems through the course of the narrative. The epilogue too, is short but dramatic.
Spirituality is not an escape; you can in no way run away from your responsibilities. It is a fallacy to think otherwise, which many unfortunately do. Ashok, in his letter to Ramesh says, “I now know why I came to Kashmir. Before I could plunge seriously into the spiritual quest I had to work out my relationship with the only two people I have ever loved…” As long as your emotional relationships are unresolved, it is exceedingly difficult to make any progress on the spiritual front.
like Ashok, I am also on a spiritual quest,
I have also met Maharaj, who in the novel is Ashok’s guru. The character is loosely based on the teachings of Sri Krishna Prem, an extraordinary Englishman.
I am happy that I have the epilogue off my chest now. Without it, the novel seemed rather incomplete. Earlier the book ended with Ashok’s letter but I was not very satisfied with that ending. Ashok becoming a swami gives the novel a better sense of closure. To me, it is more like wish fulfillment. I also wish to meet lord Shiva one day.
As told to The Pioneer