A woman under acute stress, not knowing how to salvage her troubled personal life, came seeking guidance the other day. Narrating her ordeal, she submitted: “I am being continuously harassed, mentally and emotionally, by my abusive and unyielding husband for years. He blames me for being selfish, fixated just to my career aspirations, and least bothered about his concerns and sensibilities. He married me knowing well that as a working woman, at times, I will have to take up outstation assignments, which has now become a bone of contention. He claims that because of my long absence, he feels emotionally left out, and because of the hurt within thereto, doesn’t let him focus either on his career concerns or his spiritual practice. When I try to calm him down, he becomes loud, and in the heat of moment, loses all sense of civility, uses filthy language beyond imagination, difficult to bear with. He doesn’t allow any scope for a dialogue. Should I give up my career to save my marriage? Why does the woman have to give up her career aspiration? Please guide me how to engage with him? Please do also frankly let me know where I have gone wrong?”
Well, women deserve to nurse career ambitions as much as their male counterparts. Expecting a woman to compromise her career aspirations means that the feudalistic mindset of the man has not let him understand the callings of the premise on which the institution of marriage stands. The first asking of marital happiness and stability is unconditional love and respect for each other, transgressing individual limitations. Second, complement and supplement each other’s efforts primarily in a giving mode, fill each other’s voids, and together turn life into a fulfilling experience. Third, extend support in each other’s growth. Fourth, through mutual interaction, pick up each other’s virtues and come out with one’s best. Remember, a man is primarily head-driven, and a woman emotionally surcharged; each left to itself can be problematic. Living in togetherness helps a man being brought down from head to heart, and a woman raised from her heart to the head, so as to have both the virtues in balance. You may then be able to find a sense of oneness amongst the two, following which, both will be conscious about each other’s sensibilities and concerns. So, a marital relationship offers ground to evolve in life. Your husband can’t conveniently shift the blame for his failures on your absence. You may be equally missing him, but your work doesn’t suffer. It is in his nature to go through intermittent bouts of hyper-activity and indolence. And success calls for sustained, focused endeavour.
Given his unbecoming behaviour, sense of spirituality doesn’t seem to have made any impact. “But he claims to be quite spiritually evolved,” she contested. Well, that is his self-delusionary perception. Bear in mind: The first calling of spirituality is to acknowledge equality of all human beings and would, therefore, treat others with dignity. Second, they try to identify and acknowledge their inherent habit tendencies, make necessary amends and refine one’s conduct. Third, they become aware of the realities of life, and so, reflect a balanced conduct.
Well, where is the guarantee that should you give up your career to be with him, the problem will end? Remember, unless he changes his attitudes, things won’t work. It could further worsen. The only mistake on your part is that you have not tried to understand his mind and psyche. Otherwise, you would have articulated ways and means to deal with him with relative ease. Look at the personality indicators in his chart: Born with Aries lagna read together with his Moon sign Scorpio, both owned by fiery Mars, which is conjunct restive Rahu, he should be impulsive, aggressive, abrasive, domineering, irritable, impatient, and intolerant. Given a small trigger, he may lose his cool. And if somebody tries to reason with him, he may turn violent. Uranus, Sun, Moon, and Mercury, all ill-disposed off to each other make him eccentric and erratic, having a mercurial temperament. Moon opposite Sun makes him vulnerable to emotional conflicts and disharmony. Moon opposite Mercury and also placed adverse to Saturn brings in worrying tendency and also makes him a cynic. Jupiter ill-disposed off to Neptune implies that he would be carrying peculiar beliefs. The best way to deal with him is to never try softening him when he is agitated. Let him cool down and then talk.
The writer is an astrologer, vastu consultant and spiritual counsellor. Write to him atG-102, Bharat Nagar, New Friends Colony, New Delhi-110 025
Tel: 91-11-49848475/9818037273
Website: www.bharatastro.com