We shout loudly when we are angry. On the other hand, we whisper when we are in love
We lose our temper at times and get angry. What do we do thenIJ Howling, shouting, or even attacking the other person. It is a human phenomenon which reminds us of our bestiality. Perhaps, it is our connecting link to the animal world. In psychological parlance, anger is a raw emotion which we Homo sapiens have not been able to tame. Why do we get angryIJ A difficult question to answer but one thing can be said with a fair degree of certitude: That it is our reaction to something that our ego does not like. The problem is ego, the human ego, which gets hurt, bruised or traumatised, and in order to settle scores, retaliates. But there are people who are able to control their ego and thereby undo or check the chain reaction that is triggered when the ego overpowers reason. Anger, thus, is the voice of unreason. Buddha says, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” like it or not, anger literally burns you by bringing about chemical changes in your body which may culminate into pathological changes too, if the anger persists for a long period.
We are all born with the basic emotions of love, hate and rage. While love is a positive emotion, hate and rage are the negative emotions. Thus, we are bestowed with one positive and two negative emotions and, thus, more vulnerable to the latter.
How love and anger differ in their reactions can be understood from the following parable. Asanyasi, while having a bath in the Ganga along with a few of his disciples, found some people shouting loudly at each other. He looked at his disciples and asked why people shout at one another when they are angry. After thinking for a while, one of the disciples replied that it was because people lose their calm and were not able to control their reactions. The sanyasi had another query: What was the need for people to shout so loudly at the person who was just standing next to himIJ The disciples came out with many explanations but none could satisfy the sanyasi. Then the sanyasi explained that when two people are angry at each other, their hearts are distanced to a great extent. Naturally, to make their voices reach that distance they need to shout to make themselves heard. The angrier they are, the louder they will shout to make each other hear. It is the perceived distance that matters and not the real one.
What happens when two people fall in loveIJ They do not shout at each other, rather they talk softly — the reason being that their hearts are close to each other. The perceived distance between them, thus, is almost non-existent. As the love gets intense, voices become whispers as there is virtually no distance between them. Finally, as the love further intensifies, they do not even have to whisper. Merely looking at one another is enough. To communicate their feelings it is just the look that suffices. That is how close people are when they love each other.
The saint then advised his disciples that when they had to argue they should not allow their hearts to get distanced. Words that distance one another should not be uttered. They must learn to let reason prevail over ego.
The writer is professor, Indian School of Mines, Dhanbad (Jharkhand). He can be reached at ppathak.ism@gmail.com