All the cliches about the pleasure of being a mother are true; it is the greatest pleasure one can ever experience. But it is also hardwork and responsibility, and for this, each mother is fighting fit
A few years ago, 32-year-old Maria Kang in California posted on social media a photo of herself dressed in a workout bra and shorts that revealed a wonderfully toned body, surrounded by her sons aged one, three, and four. Accompanying the photo was her post that cheekily asked, “What’s your excuseij” The photo went viral, with more than 16 million views on Facebook and over 12,000 comments.
Earlier this month, a new commercial celebrated Serena Williams on the eve of the 2018 Wimbledon final because she “plays like a mother”. The visuals showed Serena’s physical strength and how she was dominating her Wimbledon opponents on the tennis court so soon after giving birth to her daughter.
On the other hand, it was a rarity last week that I missed the deadline to send this piece to my editor. It had been a regular frenetic week for Chirag and me — working parents to an active and teething toddler. Chirag and I had taken turns to fly out to client sites; we had been fairly regular with working out at home and the gym; our baby had continued to wake up twice each night and had been euphoric in the day making excited attempts to walk. There had been no extraordinary event in the week to have tired us out so. This had been a week like any other. Yet, I could have completed a five-kilometre run, but there was no chance that I could clear my mind to write. I was mentally exhausted.
In general, fitness is often popularly characterised by physical appearance or muscular strength. And more than ever, these days, getting fit post pregnancy often translates to getting ‘back in shape’, so much so that there is a massive industry of gyms, personal trainers, dieticians, phone apps, to help mothers get ‘fit’. Supposedly, a fit mother is one who has burned off her belly fat and wears her pre-pregnancy denims. Whereas I have hardly come across a fitness plan that takes into consideration mental health, emotional well-being, and stamina.
While I am a cent percent supportive of those who wish to and can ‘get back in shape’ after giving birth, I am also worried about the lack of emphasis on mental and emotional well-being of new mothers. Firstly, there is very little recognition in most parts of the world of depression after childbirth — an illness that affects 20 per cent of mothers in developing countries, according to the World Health Organization. India roughly sees 130 million births every year and despite the launch of India’s national mental health programme in 1982, maternal mental health is not yet a prominent component of the programme.
Second, research on this topic in India is weak. The data is mostly regional or based on specific sample groups. The rates of prevalence of postpartum depression show a wide range — from 6 per cent to 48 per cent of women — across different regions. The numbers vary by definition, assessment time, and cut-offs. Nationwide, we do not adequately know the numbers, reasons, and medical condition of the affected mothers, in order to offer solutions. Thirdly, there is also the challenge of inadequate delivering services for postpartum depression. There is an acute shortage of mental healthcare providers at primary care facilities in India.
As a result of these and other reasons, postpartum depression in varying degrees is fairly common in India. Indeed anywhere in the world it is a challenge for a new mother to remain unfazed by massive hormonal changes, new responsibilities and anxieties about child care, responding to an infant’s separation anxiety and consequential constraints on movement and social life, prolonged sleep deprivation, and for some, the added stress of earning a livelihood, all at once.
Coping with gender stereotypes of how a new mother should behave, her abilities, and her role in a couple or society, magnifies the situation. An unsupportive partner increases the difficulties. It can get exhausting and saddening if a spouse is unempathetic and reluctant to step up to the role of being a responsible parent. During pregnancy, the focus of family and medical practitioners is on ensuring safe delivery. After childbirth, the spotlight shifts to the child and the mother’s struggle to cope with her new role receives less attention.
It is also stressful for a new mother if her employer anticipates that she would be less productive and thereby decides to give her the pink slip. Despite the recent policy guaranteeing six months of maternity leave, firing a pregnant woman or a new mother is more common than expected in corporate India. loss of opportunities, promotions,or the forced shove out of the workforce at a time when a woman is emotionally the most vulnerable, is never easy to deal with.
I think every woman who manoeuvres — successfully or not — through this long list of challenges is a winner. For instance, it has taken grit and hardwork, but I managed to drop the kilos gained during pregnancy, reclaiming my muscle tone and strength, but this was the easier part of the challenge. Motherhood is a delight. All the cliches about the pleasure of being a mother are true; perhaps it is the greatest pleasure one can ever experience. But it is also hardwork and responsibility. And for this, every mother is fighting fit.
Miniya is the author of Indian Instincts: Essays on Freedom and Equality in India, Penguin Random House (2018), and the CEO of Sustain labs Paris, the world’s first sustainability incubator.
Email: miniya@labsparis.com