Jonathan Trott has revealed he left the Ashes tour suffering from mental “burnout” rather than depression and has targeted an immediate return to the England side this summer.
Trott said he had “nothing left to give” as England folded to Mitchell Johnson and Australia in the first Test at the Gabba.
He left the tour the day after that match but has strongly denied he suffered from a more serious condition of depression saying when he arrived home he would tell wellwishers “I’m not crazy, I was just burnt out!”
His interview to be shown on Sky Sports on Sunday night, is carefully stage managed filmed in settings such as Harborne Cricket Club and a steak restaurant in Birmingham, but interviewer Ian Ward does not shy away from asking him tough questions as Trott looks to convince doubters he can resume his international career as soon as May 9 when England play Scotland in Aberdeen.
“It’s pretty difficult to put into words the emotions to walk away from an Ashes tour – it’s something I never thought I’d have to do and something I hope no cricketer has to do again,” he says.
“It was very difficult to do at the time, it was the right decision no doubt, it was something that came about through no one else’s fault other than the situation I found myself in wanting to do so well for England. I don’t think there’s anything else the ECB or the guys on tour could have done differently. I tried my hardest and ended up finding out myself I had nothing left to give.
“I wasn’t helping anyone by being there, so coming back was the only option because on that kind of tour you can’t carry anybody. I wasn’t able to carry myself in a way. It was very difficult for me to operate close to 100 percent or even 50 per cent of what I was capable of.
“I remember day two or day three, it was a bit of a blur, I was getting headaches and all sorts of things and I wasn’t eating properly towards the end and that’s when the sleep started getting disruptive and emotionally that was probably when I was worst and it just boiled over. I had nothing left in the tank or the battery - mentally and emotionally pretty drained and had nothing left to give really.”
Trott said he would sit away from his team-mates at breakfast in his own world “with my cap over my head because I didn’t know how I was going to react to having to go to the cricket ground again.”
He then had to cope with guilt when he arrived home although generally there was a wave of support for Trott from the public and media. “It was difficult when I got home in that I switched on the TV when the guys walked out at Adelaide and I was a little bit worried about going out in public because people look at you and obviously I’d been all over the press and you don’t know what people are thinking, you know, they think ‘there goes that nutcase’ or whatever and you’re not quite sure what people’s perceptions are because anybody would want to go on an Ashes tour and play in an Ashes and he’s just walked away from that and it was tough.
“People come up to you and say, ‘it’s good to see you’re out and about’ and I’m like, ‘I’m not crazy I was just burnt out!’ and I can’t say that after chatting with people and people the ECB put in place, I can realise what had gone on and why I was feeling like that.”