As an expectant mother, my dreams in those days were of a little angle swaddled in pink, of a little baby girl. As luck would have it, I and my husband completed our family by welcoming a little more jiggle and wiggle into it, our daughter.
Bringing up a son is equally thrilling, but I believe, bringing up a daughter is more of a roller coaster ride with equal amounts of jaw dropping, hair raising, tickly, elating, exhilarating moments.
Bringing up a single child in today’s morally fragile society, particularly a girl, where the pressure upon her to behave in a finical manner by the environment are high, has its own challenges.
A single child is synonymous as being lonely, blighted and socially awkward. So my first challenge was to become an in absentia sibling for my daughter. The first lesson to be taught had to be in sharing and dealing with insecurities.
Being a single child I couldn’t let my daughter think that everything belonged to her and she could always have her way. A great of learning social skills is by playing with other children, developing friendships and holding your own ground.
Encourage your child to share her things with others. I have never hesitated to reproach her when ever caught her misbehaving with anyone. Gradually she learned to somewhat overcome her insecurities and form her own friendships.
Unable to change the mindset of our society rife with gender inequalities, it was imperative upon me to sensitise our daughter towards oppression and discrimination. The first step in this direction was breaking the stereotypes. We have always inspired her into thinking, ‘girls can be anything they want’. As a result, she has been good at both numbers and languages and diction. I constantly encouraged her in participating at all kind of sports and extracurricular activities at school. Though she may not have excelled in them, but it sure made her overcome her reluctance, taught her team spirit and gave a boost to her self-esteem.
Another important thing was educating her on, ‘Rights for girls’. It has been ingrained in her not to bow down to any kind of tyranny be it physical or emotional, from any one and voice her opinion against it.
My most challenging parenting moments have been my daughter’s teen years. If you are a person who prays often, believe me no amount of praying can guarantee you that everyday would be a sunshine kind of a day. This adolescent phase is knockout cocktail of bodily changes, emotional outbursts, raging hormones, which literally takes your breath away. To quote Taylor Swift, “I’m a nightmare dressed like daydream,” would not be too off the mark. The most important thing here is to keep the communication open with the child. It is important to explain to her about the bodily changes that are happening and she should be proud of the way she looks. Teach your girl to dress up anyway she likes yet keeping in mind the sensitivity of people around her. Attraction to the opposite gender is bound to happen thanks to the natural tuning of our neurons, but at the same time they should know the right time and place for it in their life. I try and listen to my daughter’s emotional outbursts with a straight face and try not to be too patronising and overtly lecturing in my advice to her. My whole approach towards her is that of a friend, but my motherly radar is constantly on a watch out.
My parenting is far from perfect. I keenly observe other parents, try and learn from their pitfalls and experiences. Every day is a new learning for both I and my daughter where we constantly pray for an extra bit of sunshine.
(Noopur is a homemaker who is a postgraduate in political science. She is a vociferous reader, avid gardener and a running enthusiast)