Travelling to Delhi recently, I found myself in an embarrassing situation. I usually take one of the last rows in the plane and last month as I took my isle seat of the 27th row I saw this beautiful girl, who eventually would sit on the window seat in the same row, struggling to keep her unusually big cabin bag in the overhead compartment.
I got up, gave her a smile and told her "wait, I got that." The girl replied in a somewhat harsh tone "I'll manage. I'll tell you if I need help. Thank you." I immediately took my hands off her bag, which did not require anything more than a push to be stored, and it almost came crashing down.
I took my seat and watched the girl struggle with her bag. Now embarrassed to ask anyone for help, the girl called for the flight attendant. A diminutive girl came to help and now both girls struggled together. The flight attendant, realising that the isle behind her was getting filled with impatient passengers, looked at me and smiled.
I quickly got up and gave the bag a push inside the storage area. She said a quick thanks and left. I let the ‘pillar of feminism’ take her window seat and put my ear plugs on. (If Webster allowed me, I would put two more L in the pillar for her).
We took off and after the seat belt sign was switched off, a few of the co-passengers came to take pictures and autographs. OK, it is a reassurance that I am still known. ‘Miss Pillar’ noticed all this from the cone of her eyes and maybe tried to figure out what the whole fuss was about.
Half an hour into the flight there came a moment when we could not avoid eye contact and she asked me "are you Varun Badola?" Trying to keep the conversation as short as possible, I only gave a nod. "You look so different with the specs on." What could I say to that? I dished out a fake smile and went back to change the track on my phone. "Listen I know I was rude. But I could not recognise you." I lost it at this point. "Why should my identity make any difference at all? It could be anyone else trying to help." "Yes I know, but people then unnecessarily try and start a conversation." I was dumbfounded. I could not say anything to that. If I did, I would be starting a conversation.
I waited, summoned all my intelligence and... "Are you on FB?" I asked. "Yes I am. Why?" (Me) "just... how many friends do you have?" I am not too sure if she understood the drift. "About 1500. But why do you ask?" She said. (Me) "just." She must have thought I am snooty and have a major attitude problem. She did not speak to me thereafter and I gladly spent the rest of the flight listening to music.
So this is where we stand as of today. We chat with complete strangers on FB, and all other social sites, and we are comfortable with that. There could be a male posing as a female or otherwise but we do not bother. We get depressed if our posts do not garner enough hits, likes or comments.
But with real people we suddenly go defensive. We forward posts on WhatsApp, FB, and all such sites, which talk about spreading love and compassion. But in real life we do not even smile at people.
Why don't we all fall in love again? Why don't we start admiring people for what they are? Would that be immoral? Would we all be termed philanderers? I have a wife who love, a child who I adore but I still want to fall in love. It is not always that one looks for validation in love. One could just silently fall in love with someone. Something. I am not talking about getting attracted but just fall in love. So why would I want to do that? Would it not unnecessarily disturb the apple cart?
No it would not. Why can't I admire a beautiful smile, treasure a beautiful person and feel happy about it? There is so much to learn in life and books don't teach you everything. You need human interaction. But unfortunately, today's times do not allow us to do that. Moral sequestration of our society has turned us into emotionally quiescent beings. Our own behaviour towards our fellow beings has created a void so big between us that we feel burdened if someone professes their love towards us as we feel that the person would want love in return. Or something at least.
Our admiration would, more often than not, be looked upon with doubt and taken as sycophancy. But you could say "I love you" and "you are so beautiful" on a chat to someone without meaning it and you'll receive all the possible virtual kisses. The two most beautiful human emotions are being lost to the world of internet. The worst part... most of us are OK with it.
So it is not about being immoral or a philanderer, it is about being human. Go back to the basics and start from the start. Return a smile with a smile, flirt with a warm heart in an acceptable limit, give others a reason to laugh. Take the comments, hits and likes on your face and not on the social site.
(Varun Badola is a TV star. The piece has been taken from his facebook page with his permission)