Prashant jee, ek beta kar lo ab aap (Mr Prashant it’s time you go for a son now). Your family will be complete & perfect” a guy advised.
“I have a beautiful daughter. What makes you think that my family is imperfect nowIJ”
I could sense anger in my own words. So I mellowed my forthcoming statement: “Imagine that you slept and you dreamt. In your dream, you went to heaven and in heaven you met God. He took your right hand and placed a little angel in your palm. When you woke up from your dream and looked at your palm, you saw the little angel in it.
In year 2012, my daughter was born. I stood speechless when I was holding her for the first time in my life. She was never seen in this world before and now placed in my hands as someone who belongs to me. I thanked God endlessly. She appeared as little as a mouse and as red as a rose. I looked into her twinkling round beautiful eyes and got the glimpse of the mesmerizing heavens in them. I was touched by divinity. I was blessed with a daughter. That very moment, my family and my world, went complete”.
The guy did appreciate my talk but added in end, “Acha hai beti hai. Per ek ladka to hona he chahiye parivar main (It’s good that you have a daughter but at least one boy has to be there in family).”
His response blew my fuse. I asked “Aur ladki kitni honi chahiyeIJ (And, how many girls should be there in a familyIJ)”
He did not answer. He could sense my ire now. His statement made me more upset. When I mentioned that my world is complete, he did not need to impose his shady opinion on me any further.
I continued with my exhortation, “So a boy is a mandate and girl is not. Your outlook is not an isolated one. Millions think this way. I genuinely wish to know: What drives this venomous widespread misconception that a family is imperfect without a sonIJ Is a daughter not enoughIJ
Why is it that when the first child is a boy, everyone is relieved; however, if it is a girl, the couple is repeatedly advised that they should go for a second baby and if it is going to be a son, their family would be complete. Two daughters can’t do thatIJ
Some families/couples are so possessed by such erroneous corrupt notion that they keep on producing/aborting multiple girls till they get that one boy. WhyIJ”
The guy retorted, “Prashant jee, there are reasons for desiring a son. Your lines were superb but in real world, things are different. We need to be practical, not poetic. Please explain: ladka nahi hoga to apka vansh kaise aage chalegaIJ Apka acha naam hai. Apke naam ko kaun aage le jayega (If a son is not there, who is going to take your name forwardIJ)”
I counter questioned, “What is the complete name of your great great grandfatherIJ”
There was a ghastly silence. He did not answer (because he did not know or did not remember).
I spoke, “Despite having sons, his name is lost today. Please understand that children do not take our name forward the way you think, nor they need to. The names that are fondly remembered in this world today, are names of those, who stood for a noble cause, did assiduous work, made great sacrifices and never compromised on their value system. They enriched the world by their magnificent contributions and ameliorated the lives of others by how they lived their own. Jesus Christ, Mother Teresa, Swami Vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi, Sardar Bhagat Singh, Subhash Chander Bose, Rabindranath Tagore to name a few. These names are going to live forever despite the fact that most of them did not have even one child to carry their name forward. If you want your name to be remembered and revered, then become a man of some value. Dedicate to some noble cause and live a life of purpose.”
The guy replied, “But you can’t ignore the fact that daughters would be married off and will go to some other family. Boys stay with you, when they do something great, they bring honor to your family. Boys also become a support in your old age. Budhape ka sahara hote hain ladke. You might have heard this and I don’t think that you can ignore it. Also, if there will be no boy, apke adhoore sapne kaun poore karega Prashant jeIJ (Who will realize your unfulfilled dreams)IJ”
I answered, “Mere sapne main khud poore karunga (I will fulfill my dreams myself) and in case I am not able to, I will not burden my child with the load of my unfulfilled dreams. I will help her achieve her own dreams. It will be nonsensical on my part to push my child into becoming a doctor and work in hospital when she wants to be a fighter pilot and fly the sky with supersonic speeds. It is a crime to crush ambition. We must protect dreams and nurture talents. That is our biggest responsibility as a parent.
Girls don’t go to some other family, they get married and start their own. So do boys. No one goes anywhere. Your child is truly yours and will stay yours for life. You also talked earlier about vansh kaise chalega. let me tell you that in reality, vansh ladkiyon se chalta hai. Their contribution is unquestionable. It is a woman in whose womb, life begins. She brings alive the next generation. It is a woman who goes through a near death experience during child birth (no man dies of child birth) and she calls that near death experience as the most beautiful experience of her life, she becomes a mother. If it was not for her pain, sacrifices & strengths, this world would have collapsed a long time back.
You also questioned ability of girls to do something great and bring honor to family. I hope you are aware (or you acknowledge) what our daughters have accomplished. Did they not become Ms. World and Ms. UniverseIJ Did they not win in athletics, tennis, badminton and boxing tournaments throughout the worldIJ Did they not climb Mount Everest and one Indian girl did it without legsIJ Did they not reach the top most position in the corporate worldIJ Did they not go into space and have museums and institutes built in their nameIJ Did they not become most respected police and administrative officers and have their documentaries being aired on international channelsIJ Did they not win in OlympicsIJ
let’s look at the latest grand achievement of Indian daughters: Olympics 2016, 2 prestigious medals of India and both of them bagged by our daughters. If it would not have been for our girls, we would have returned empty handed from Olympics and you think that a boy is a must to fulfill our dreamsIJ Is a daughter not enoughIJ”
In a nation where girls are outnumbered, killed in the womb, thrown in bins, not allowed to study or get into a profession of their choice, their face burnt with acids, many raped for lust and killed for dowry, they still gather the courage to come forward, to fight, to rise and to achieve the unthinkable. Imagine what our girls can achieve if they are protected, respected, pampered and their talents nurtured. Despite having all resources, this country is not developed because our girls are looked down upon. The day we start respecting our girls, we will be super power.
To be concluded
(This article written by motivational writer Prashant has been shared on Facebook by Aparna Saraff, who has also got a single daughter)