By While the world is seemingly progressive, many women grapple with their hardships in silence. There are women who find themselves in an identity crisis being single and married, and leave them feeling alone. Women are subsumed in identity crises in different stages of their lives, and they often have to refer to themselves in terms of being a wife, daughter or a mother. Many women all over the world endure this change and constant battle of trying to rediscover themselves, and it is a story that needs to be told.
Post Marriage Silent Transformation
Marriage is an occasion that is highly celebrated, yet in the case of women, it may mark the beginning of two things: hope and transformation. Expecting a woman to simply assume the roles of a wife, daughter in-law, and mother comes with erasing her individual identity. Alongside the woman’s name, all of her dreams, aspirations, and desires are erased as well. Now, they have to conformed to being “Mrs. Sharma” or the dreaded “Mom of Raj.”
Let’s look at Aditi, a 26-year-old marketing professional who is bursting with energy, and was married to her college sweetheart. Aditi’s offices referred to her as ‘Rahul’s wife’ at every event she attended, something she found puzzling because she always so creative, and strong in the leadership department. Wanting to learn more about her husband’s accomplishments rather than hers was a common trend at her workplace. “Like I just vanished from the face of the earth,” is what she had to say. “I had become somebody else, Aditi was nowhere to be found.”
Before Marriage: A woman’s identity struggle does not begin post-marriage; it starts much earlier. Before marriage, she is primarily known by her father’s name. Her achievements, struggles, and ambitions are often overshadowed by her family’s reputation. Society tends to view daughters as responsibilities rather than individuals with dreams and potential. Even in professional spaces, introductions often carry a patriarchal undertone—"She is so-and-so’s daughter"—rarely emphasizing her personal merit.
This systemic issue reinforces the idea that a woman’s identity is always attached to a male figure in her life, creating an invisible barrier to her self-discovery. This mind-set must shift if we are truly empower women.
Striving for Identity Doesn’t Mean Rejecting Love and Respect : Women seeking establishing their own identity are often misunderstood. There is a common misconception that striving for individual recognition equates to a lack of respect or love for the men in their lives. This is far from the truth. A woman can be independent and ambitious while also being a loving wife, daughter, and mother.
Seeking self-empowerment does not mean rejecting relationships or disregarding familial bonds. Instead, it means wanting an equal place at the table, where she is valued for her own identity and contributions. True empowerment is when a woman does not have to choose between personal growth and family harmony.
The Emotional Cost
This change of identity is not merely linguistic. It has significant psychological and physical ramifications for women. The continual disregarding of their self over the other makes them feel incompetent, helpless, even severely emotionally exhausted. For a lot of women, the recollection is a slow one. It filters in through small yet seemingly benign details: The nonexistence of their name in marriage invites, being regarded as ‘somebody’s wife’ or being passed over during self projection that has future elements enclosed into it such as where they intend to be post ten years or so.
Priya’s case is one that many can relate to. Once a school teacher, now a full-time mother, Priya spent her energies exclusively into looking after her two kids, house chores, husband, in-laws etc. Her hard work went unnoticed and her sacrifices went unappreciated. “When I went to parent teacher conferences, I was always referred to as my children’s mother. No one was interested in asking my name,” she recollects. “Looking into a mirror, I would ask myself, Who is beyond these roles?”
Historical and Cultural Framework
A woman’s identity crisis stems from various cultural and historical paradigms. For ages, women’s positions in society were set by men as children, wives, and adolescent mothers. These roles are essential, however, they are often placed ahead of a woman’s subjectivity.
In many societies, a woman after marriage has to adopt the husband’s last name which serves as a marker of her becoming part of her husband’s family. While these changes on the surface may seem benign, they indicate that a woman is anchored to her husband’s family. This is why some women like Meera, a lawyer, agitate against it. “Why should I give up my name?” she asked. “It’s a part of who I am, my accomplishments, my battles. Changing it could never make sense to me because that is how history is written.”
The Price of Identity: A Woman’s Struggle for Recognition What defines a woman’s worth? Is it her talents, intellect, and perseverance, or is it still dictated by the position her husband holds in society? The unfortunate reality is that in many societies, a woman’s respect and recognition are often measured by her spouse’s professional position. The wife of a high-ranking officer is treated with reverence, while a woman married to a lower-income worker may not receive the same level of respect, regardless of her own merits. This deeply ingrained bias undermines a woman’s individuality, reducing her to an extension of her husband’s identity rather than acknowledging her as an independent person.
Historically, women have been categorized based on the men in their lives—first by their father’s name and later by their husband’s. This has created an identity crisis, especially for women striving to carve out their own space in society. Should a woman’s social standing always be tethered to the rank of the men around her, or can she stand tall based on her own capabilities and achievements?
Rural Women and Artisans: A Silent Battle for Recognition For generations, rural women and artisans have been preserving and enriching the cultural heritage of their regions. The handloom and handicrafts sector, for instance, has been predominantly driven by women who put their skill, patience, and artistry into creating intricate works of art. Despite their immense contribution, these women often struggle for recognition and financial independence.
However, winds of change are blowing. With increased awareness, digital platforms, and government initiatives, women artisans are now finding a voice. Online marketplaces, fair trade organizations, and craft exhibitions have allowed them to step out of the shadows and gain the financial and social independence they deserve. These hardworking women are proving that their art is not merely a pastime but a profession worthy of respect.
Progressive Men: Allies in Women’s Empowerment The role of progressive men in this journey cannot be ignored. Many men today recognize the importance of empowering women and actively support them in their pursuits. These men understand that gender equality is not a competition but a collective effort toward a fairer society.
Progressive men do not feel threatened by an independent woman; rather, they encourage her to thrive. They believe in equal opportunities, celebrate their partners’ successes, and understand that a woman’s empowerment benefits not just individuals but entire families and communities. When men become allies in this process, the transformation is faster and more sustainable.
Conclusion: Redefining Identity with Empowerment. The concept of a woman’s identity must evolve beyond the traditional norms that confine her within the labels of “someone’s wife” or “someone’s daughter.” Women are individuals with their own aspirations, skills, and contributions to society.
A truly empowered society is one where respect is given based on individual merit rather than relational status. A woman striving for her identity does not mean she is rejecting her family values or relationships. Rather, it means she is embracing her full potential. As a society, we must collectively work toward an environment where women are recognized, respected, and celebrated for who they truly are—not just for the men they are associated with.
The writer is Founder & Director of HomeLife Services Pvt Ltd (www.thehomelifeservices.com). She is an MA in Mass Communication & Journalism from Gauhati University. Views are personal.