Part II of the article focusing on family and social fabrication. The first part of the article was published on Saturday October 1 edition.
Now, coming to budhape ka sahara (old age support). Is your retirement and old age planning, the responsibility of your childIJ It is your onus. Don’t expect it from your children. Your job is to bring up your kids well and then set them free. let them go into this world to navigate their own path of gutsy explorations and mind-blowing achievements. They will never discover what their life was meant to be, if you hold them captive at home. Even in animal kingdom, parents teach their offspring to the best of their ability and set them free, forever; Not selfishness but Genuine love forms the basis of Real Parenting. It only knows how to give and expects nothing in return. A daughter or a son, it discriminates none. True love does not ask for physical presence or demands old age care. It only wishes for child’s well-being and keeps on sending prayers.”
This guy was quiet now but still disagreeable in his demeanor. I was looking at him and trying to understand why he is still holding on to that mindset (boy should be there). I thought for a while and spoke, “I believe it is fear and insecurity that makes you crave for a boy and to have him live with you and look after you in your old age.”
Guy asks, “What do you meanIJ”
I explained, “look at you, you are age 33, but you look 50. You drink and smoke. You overeat (most dangerous) and then lead a sedentary lifestyle. I have never seen you exercising or eating healthy food. In fact, health is your last priority and fitness is no priority at all. You desire a son because one day when you will fall sick and get diseased due to this long term body abuse, you can become a sad and expensive liability on your child. Isn’t it shameful to become that by choiceIJ Is this an example you set in front of your children as to how one must live lifeIJ
There are people in this world who are trying to become a blessing (not a curse) to their children. They take care of their health and try to stay fit. They respect nutrition. They exercise. They stay away from drink/smoke and also tell their friends/family to do the same. They save for their old age. They plan for medical emergencies in later years of life. They are strictly against burdening anyone. They want to live honorably and leave honorably. These are people who live up to 100 years and even when they are 80, you can see them bench press or run a marathon with their grandchildren. They don’t become liability on anyone. They inspire. They set a true example of what this life is and how it should be lived.”
The guy cut my talk in the middle and said, “I agree with your points but I disagree with your point about why I want a son. I actually want a son and want him (and his family) to stay with me in my old age because I don’t want to be alone in my old age. After I retire, I would be at home as world would not need me or my services anymore. If my son and his family would be there, I will get companionship. I will be happy to see grandchildren in my house and playing with them will bring me joy. Ghar main ronak hogi. I don’t want to die of old age in my bed, all alone, with no one to perform my last rites.”
I replied, “Insecurities don’t breed companionship. love, Duty and Devotion, does. You live your life and let your grown up children live their own. Ghar main bachon ko qaid kyun karna hai apkoIJ Aap khud bahar jao aur duniya main ronak lao.
Our late Former President, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam Azad was 83 when he passed away and he was working till his very last day. He did not die alone in bed at home. He was in Shillong and was going to give a lecture at IIM but met with a cardiac arrest. Entire nation went into grief and a 7-day state mourning was declared to respect him. He did not marry, did not have children but 3,50,000 people attended his last rites. It’s been more than a year that he is gone and millions of us still can’t stop missing him. His name, his biography, his books, his work and his legacy will live on with us, forever. He will never be forgotten.
You can work (if you choose to) till the very last day of your life. With 40-60 years of learning and skill development, what is the point in sitting at home and wasting those assetsIJ Please Don’t. Go out and work. No one can and no one will stop you. Rather, you will be admired and respected. You can make more contribution at age 60 than what you could make when you were a novice at age 20. Enrich the world with your learning and experience.
Do you know Sir Amitabh BachchanIJ Do you know our PM, Sir Narendra ModiIJ They have crossed 65 but the spirit with which these people work and kind of performance they deliver, puts most youngsters to shame. Every day, they are getting better at their work and their contribution today, is much more significant and powerful than what it was 30 years back. You can truly choose to work till you drop. Then you can happily say that you really enjoyed every single second of being alive and made the most of this opportunity called ‘life’.”
After this I went quiet (I believe my anger went away). There was utter silence. The guy spoke after sometime, “Thank you Prashant jee for this talk. I needed it. What I said was very wrong. Forgive me. I request that you pen down your views and post them on your page. I want to share them with few people.”
Hence this article and I dedicate this article to every single daughter of this country (including my little ‘Noor’). You daughters are greatest gift of God to us and we are truly blessed to have you in our lives. You complete our world. Forgive us for respecting you any less than what you deserve and may we do justice to our role as parents, guardians and humans. Amen!”
(This article written by motivational writer Prashant has been shared on Facebook by Aparna Saraff, who has also got a single daughter)