It started with a trickle and soon there was a flood. By Tuesday evening, most people’s timelines were staggering under the weight of #MeToo — an online acknowledgment by women who had been abused, molested, affronted and slut-shamed at some point in time. At home, at the workplace or in a bus. The colossal volume of the sordid stories, some coming from very painful memories, was not just about a social media fad or trending headlines. It was about a silent virtual revolution born of a sense of victimhood and a record of each woman’s trauma, all of which assumed global proportions. It also made sexual harassment palpable as a psycho-social problem beyond cold facts and figures.
Though the hashtag owed its origins to actress Alyssa Milano, who shared her story about abuse by Hollywood studio honcho Harvey Weinstein and encouraged her followers to share their stories of sexual assault and harassment as well, the response has been overwhelming in India.
Sudeshna Shome Ghosh, an independent publishing consultant based out of Bengaluru, said that before putting #MeToo as a status, she gave it a lot of thought. “What does writing two words on your status achieveIJ” she questioned. And then decided to go for it for a reason. “I feel at some point we need to make the public discourse such that women feel they can speak up. Such incidents leave behind feelings that make it tough to speak up. If by putting the words you are able to acknowledge the wrong that was done to you, then it will do some good at an individual level. With more women doing so there is also the comfort of numbers. And finally if those who do this to others see that those known to them and dear to them have had such things happen to them, then they may rethink their views on women and sex.”
Nobel laureate Kailash Satyarthi, who is currently leading a campaign to highlight sexual abuse and violence against children, said, “#MeToo is a reflection of the social and cultural revolution that is sweeping the world. The victims are shedding the stigmatisation. We will not allow our children and women to be invalidated by societal constructs. I stand with you all till we end this.”
It was not just women from everyday life who talked about it but many celebrities as well. Stand-up comic Mallika Dua talked about an incident where she and her sister were molested in a car as kids in the back seat by a family friend while her mother drove.
Thirty-year-old mediaperson Varuni Khosla put things in perspective when she said, “The figures on my timeline were staggering. People were talking about how it happened. One wrote that it happened when she was 12, 14 and 16. Some women also started bashing men. But then we need to also acknowledge that there are good men, people who have stood up for us.” When questioned about what the campaign was out to achieve, she said, “The campaign might not achieve anything but what it might help in doing is to help people talk about it and acknowledge that sexual harassment is rampant. If this encourages women to report, then at least we can seek legal redress.”
Neha Kohli of the Institute for Defence Studies and Analyses agreed that talking about it helps. Said she, “We were brought up to be independent. Yet when we stepped out, we were told to be careful about what we wore, how we projected ourselves and how we behaved. Now there seems to be a large community of hurt people, who were conditioned to retreat or lie low, who are speaking up. This is not about feminism, it is about violation of basic rights, it is about protesting against sex used as a bargaining tool at the home or the workplace.”
It is also about coming out in the open and acknowledging that the burden of shame lies with the offender and not the person writing it. “I was hesitant to write this till a wise woman pointed out it’s their shame and not ours. While walking back home from college during my post graduation years, a guy on bike stop right next to me and tried to grab me. I froze but then I screamed and he left. But not before turning around and giving me a long last stare — all this at three in the afternoon on a busy lane in north campus. It’s been more than seven years but I still remember those eyes,” one said.
And then there are others who acknowledge that the harassment would continue. “#MeToo. can only warn my daughter, not save her,” said a worried mother.
Stirred by the status, men too haven’t been far behind in expressing solidarity. “I’m just shocked that so many friends have been sexually abused. #MeToo is an eye-opener and a call for us to review everything we do and the spaces that we live and work in,” wrote one journalist.
The deluge of confessions for the first time got many Indian men to shed their recalcitrance or denial that they could be flawed in their treatment of women. Many like author Shariq Rafeek openly admitted his flirtatious camaraderie may have gotten overboard and offended the women in his life. “In college, I popped girls’ bra straps in class. It was a laugh, and I used to tell people about it with barely hidden pride.” Till some girls told him how “no meant no.” However, some years down the line, he has decided to take up the cudgels on behalf of women. He tweeted, “Report how men with 1 million+ followers would rather vehemently and unfairly criticise brave women than support them.”
Some men said how they too were equal complainants. Said Jeet Kumar, “During Republic Day celebrations at our school, students got three free periods. With no teachers around and most of our classmates loitering in the school premises, there were six-seven of us in the class. Some senior students from an adjacent class decided to play instructor. Initially there were three students who entered our class. And they started to bully us. We stuck to each other and thought it would soon end. Two of them lost interest and went away but one remained. And then he started to touch us inappropriately. The three of us were sitting on a desk and he was continuously bullying us and making inappropriate remarks. Soon he started feeling me inappropriately, that to date makes me reckon that given the Indian standards, most people wouldn’t even treat it as sexual molestation but it was. The biggest proof is it had stayed in a corner of my mind.” He also pointed out that people in India are clueless about the where flirting ends and harassment begins. “Bollywood has repeatedly and obnoxiously blurred the lines between two of them beginning with Sholay and continuing till Judwaa 2. Therefore, it is essential to file complaints and get the offenders punished in order to put a full stop on these issues. This dialogue will just be a big strengthening push,” he added.
To put things in perspective, a recent study by the Indian National Bar Association (INBA) pointed out that like in other parts of the world, sexual harassment at work is a serious concern in the country. The survey, conducted earlier this year, found that of the 6,047 participants (both male and female), 38 per cent said they’d faced harassment at the workplace. Of these, 69 per cent did not complain about it.
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