When my daughter got engaged, I was thrilled. I imagined the joyful planning of wedding shopping, the invitations, venue, dress fitting, etc. However, when I offered my help.
She politely said, “Mom, dad, we would like to plan our wedding ourselves.”
We knew she was financially secure, knew the latest trends and above all, it would make her happy. We looked at her beaming face and gave in.
At first, I assumed it was just her independent personality. But when I looked around, I realised it was everywhere, “a modern trend” where individual preferences often took precedence over collective involvement.
This shift made me pause and reflect on just how much life has changed since I was growing up.
Amongst some of the other changes, the one that stood out the most to me was how dinner used to be a time where families gathered around the dining table and socialised, talking about their day.
Now, however, it’s mostly replaced by screen time, TV or reduced to text messages. “Gather” has just become a decoration on the wall.
It seems like individualism is more prevalent now than it used to be.Is the shift from “we” to “I” a sign of progress?
Can it be equated with financial independence and personal freedom?
Economic empowerment and technology have led to self-sufficiency. But is this shift “always” a sign of development? These are some of the questions we have to ask ourselves. So, I asked myself…. let’s take marriage for instance.
Today, couples have more choices, greater acceptance from society and access to a wealth of resources.
Financial security gives them the power to decide what they want and when they want. Hence, there is less tolerance, less compromise and sometimes less inclination to accommodate.
So, what’s the flip side to these changes?
Perhaps a feeling of void amongst the couples. Families with children suffer the most as children often bear the emotional burden and suffer the consequences.
They may be confused, hurt and insecure, which, in turn, affects their development and personalities in the long run.
This is where counselling comes into the picture. For couples andfamilies, therapy can provide clarity and support — though sometimes it helps and sometimes not so much.
One wonders what they did back then.
There was counselling provided by family members, who could be a trusted aunt or uncle or an experienced adult.
The community feeling was there in the form of a built-in support system.“Godparents” were not something to be requested for, but an intrinsic part of the extended family. It was not something you had to ask for — it was always there.
There was a sense of “We,” which extended beyond the nuclear family.As the saying goes, “the new bequeath the old.” Is true.
Progress is inevitable and necessary.
However, moving forward does not necessarily mean discarding the past; it means building on it with an open mind.
My article intends to encourage both younger and older generations to think outside the box.
The objective is not to follow the changing trends blindly. Progress is meaningful when it preserves what’s valuable while adopting what’s necessary.
As one moves forward in life, maybe we do not need to choose between “We” and “I.” Perhaps, the real growth lies in blending the two.
(The writer is an author based in the USA)