Intolerance damages interpersonal relationships

Let me begin with a simple definition of tolerance. It is the ability to accept reality and adjust accordingly. For example, views do clash in some matters with a marriage partner. But views match in the majority of matters. Then, why not adjust to opposite views, which may cause less harm than rejecting the partner? Tolerance is accepting and coexisting.

Such an attitude also helps in dealing with the reality of the world. This planet is naturally painful due to the misuse of free will by the majority. There is no way we can undo it; even God does not; He respects individuality. After all, the ‘Karmaphala Principle’ (results according to acts) applies to all, with rewards and punishments. If we wish to receive more rewards than punishments, we must practise tolerance. Adjusting to others is highly beneficial.

Another example will help. A mother rejects her dear daughter due to her choice of marriage, which the mother considers wrong. She chooses to ignore the countless good qualities of her daughter. The mother does not even know what the result will be. The marriage may succeed. If it does not, what harm will be done that is greater than breaking the relationship with the daughter? Such is the damage caused by all-pervading intolerance.

I will take up next the matter of intolerance towards the circumstances in which we are placed. What does it do? We are forced into doing things that we feel should not have been thrust upon us. Now that there is no option other than to go along, accepting the pain of what has become a duty has to be learned. God has solutions in all such situations. He has all the answers, no matter what circumstances one is placed in (The Bhagavad Gita, verse 18.58). Most importantly, God will give us the capacity to tolerate. Returning to the same example of the estranged daughter, God can even make the marriage successful; there is nothing beyond Him.

Therefore, let us learn to be tolerant and act dutifully. Step one has to be a close connection with God. Step two has to be a preparedness to be tolerant. Step three must be dutifulness in all circumstances. Step four is to have faith that, with God in the loop, ‘theek chalega’ (things will work out) if we remain patient.

Now, some guidelines for peaceful and successful existence. Do not go by gut reaction or be judgmental. Let God guide; He does if we remain in His shelter. Have empathy, which will allow you to listen to, and better still, see the viewpoint of others.

Have a mood to serve; then, you will accept others better. Even better is to have a mentality of sacrifice, which has more benefits than we can imagine. The benefits will be many more; the senses and the mind will come under better control. There will be harmony, and problem-solving will become easier. What more are we looking for? If we take shelter in God, He Himself will become the ‘karta’ (doer) in our life, which will ensure 100 per cent success.

The writer is a spiritual teacher and a columnist; Views presented are personal.