An old friend and classmate who teaches in Oxford University at a very senior position came visiting this week. luckily the three of us were present in town and hence, the not-so-honourable gang of four, including a lady member, could meet at a short notice along with their honourable spouses.
The evening saw a gush of memories, smallest but naughty events in the hostel, classroom pranks played upon unsuspecting comrades, cracking jokes at the cost of other mates or even teachers, worse making a scapegoat of somebody for making what appear now to have been malicious ridicules, uncharitable remarks, including about looks of others, even some of those rowdy behaviours during scuffle for purchasing cinema tickets, and indulging in many of those stupid and inappropriate things. No wonder, Ralph Waldo Emerson had this to say about old friends: “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Meeting old-time friends is always a heartwarming exercise. There would be fewer pleasures as this one. Friendship is one of those universal values that are relied upon for emotional support everywhere and in every age group. If they are lasting, they add health and fervour. People would skip an important date or event, personal or official to keep an appointment with a friends get-together. The get-togethers have interesting acronyms like knees-up, beano, shindig and rave parties. They are more or less casual social gatherings that are convivial, replete with fun stories and jokes but also nostalgia.
We also have another genre, viz., alumni meets that are also equally popular now. They are more formal, generally well-organised, somewhat professionally managed, pre-fixed, and recognised by the establishment of the institution, with better resources. Though camaraderie of this type operates at a higher level but it is more impersonal at the same time.
The one-to-one friendship has a different take, more personal, more emotional and often more intense. It also means that unlike the alumni type, it witnesses breakups, heartbreaks, highs and lows and even permanent extinguishing of some relationships. Even when friendship is in small groups of three, four, and five — the responses, relationships, issues etc. are different than those operating in alumni associations.
As kids we were inseparable from other kids of our class, neighborhood or even cousins. life appeared difficult to imagine even for a moment without their presence. But as we grow up life’s own circumstances start unfolding, causing physical and emotional distances that are not easy to surmount. The well-known writer and expert on the theme of friendship, Irene S levine ruefully observed that only one in 12 friendships last over the course of a lifetime. However, there is a difference between voluntary and involuntary distancing of friends.
So there are serious put-downables in such gatherings. We may have a person for whom his world is the only world that matters — his voice, his views and his perspective. There are some who carry their baggage to the get-togethers — of being an important person; thinking they really are somebody and therefore expecting a deferential treatment from the group. Nothing could be more self-defeating and actually pitiable.
We have some who would do camouflaged bragging, what has come to be called as humble bragging, i.e., trying to mask the boasting with humility so that it does not appear to be blowing your own horn. They do not understand that the lid slips off easily, making them look stupid.
The professional meets have their own woes. There are social climbers who had been waiting merely for this opportunity to find their mentors and pester them with their chicanery. Then there are those bigheads who literally see through all the lesser mortals and would only interact with the big and the mighty. Ordinary folks just do not exist for them. Why do they come to a larger gathering is a mystery if they have to associate only with the chosen fewIJ
These limitations notwithstanding, get-togethers are great fun, bringing joy and de-stressing moments for everyone. We truly unwind with old time acquaintances that appear to be more trustworthy, and let our hair down in the cosiness of that feeling.
This openness is generally respected until it becomes unsavoury at the hands of some under the influence of free-flowing foreign liquor.
Summing up by quoting Mark Twain, “Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”