In the last article, we discussed about the causes of the hidden mystery called ‘stress’ and found that it is mainly caused by a gap between reality and expectations.
In other words, the gap is between ‘what is and what should be’. From the identification of the problem, it’s easy to say that stress can be reduced by minimising the gap between reality and expectations. The expectations should increase only when the reality is improving. If my child has improved from 60 per cent to 80 per cent in the yearly examinations over three years then probably I could expect him to reach 90 per cent soon in the school finals.
Stress is like any other disease of the mind, and unless we combat this phenomenon, it will lead to mania, obsession and, ultimately, to the psychiatrist. Some people reach the point of no return. If you observe people in a small crowd, you will find some people not in the present but lost elsewhere as if thinking about something. Twenty-four hours they think of their problems nonstop and go far from reality. Even while watching television or listening to music, they are not in the present but manifesting stress. They are so busy thinking of the causes to blame ‘why me’ that they become incapable of finding solutions.
Some even enjoy worries and stress because they can’t exist with the mind going blank or with entry of positive thoughts. Worry becomes like chewing gum like having something to chew on or for spending time. little do they know that just as we need to cure our body we need to keep our mind balanced and stress-free as the mind has an optimum level of tolerance. Mostly, lifestyle and irreversible diseases like hypertension and diabetes are offshoots of untreated stress.
I am elucidating five time-tested easy methods of combating stress: Mental Poverty, Reality Check and Positive Reiteration. Mental poverty refers to the mental state of a person where he forever feels a sense of deprivation that he has not got his due. Mental poverty and actual poverty do not match often. A person living in a slum may think he has enough whereas a person living in a posh locality may feel poor. Drawing room conversations veer around these facts. One may be happy with ones small flat and a Maruti car, but the moment he hears that his erstwhile poor cousin has bought an Audi and a beautiful house then he starts feeling very small and poor and deprived as if he is no good. This brings on sleepless nights and stress. In India which is low on the development ladder, we can consider ourselves lucky to even own a flat and have access to basic sanitary facilities. We have a choice to feel rich or poor. I should choose that which makes me happy and stress-free. I have to focus on my life journey and not on that of my cousin.
Here is a very easy method to come back to reality. We should do a Reality Check. Please sit down in a relaxed mode with a pen and paper and then start listing all the things that you have. Please take your time. It may take a couple of days too, but the list has to be a true one. This is called a Reality Check which we call RC from here onwards. Then list your friends who are as qualified as you, and again by comparison also list how much more you have and how you are better off. Maybe, you can compare with your maid servant who may have an asbestos roof with no fan. At this point, it may come to your mind that I am making you compare with people who have less than you. Comparing with higher ups and comparing with similar to lower level people are both illusions of the human mind. You should choose the alternative which makes you happy. It doesn’t mean that you should not try for the Audi car. If you feel that with your capacity you will not be able to buy one overnight, so don’t waste your energies on that. Rather it’s better to focus on reality and make it better rather than increasing the gap between reality and expectations. This list should be with you at all times. As soon as you get up in the morning, please sit up on the bed in a comfortable position and start reading the list and thanking God for what you have. After finishing, please look at the other list made by you, which gives the inputs required to buy an Audi car during this lifetime, if that is your ambition.
This is called ‘attitude of gratitude’ and a ‘reality check’. Ambitions are required, and reality has to be accepted and that’s the way the gap can be bridged. These two paper chits should be kept with you at all times, maybe in a wallet or purse. Any time of the day the stressful thoughts arise, the chits can be referred to. The two chits are called ‘gratitude’ and ‘expectation’, respectively, and cannot be final as everyday you will find new things to be grateful for and even more inputs to buy an Audi if at all.
Repetition day-by-day of this practice is called Positive Reiteration or PR. It helps to encode in the brain and to make it a part of reality. You may try this practice of standing before a mirror, and repeating what you are and have. You may name the kind of person you are. The sentences can be like ‘I am beautiful, very helpful to everyone, a good wife’. All the positive qualities should be mentioned. PR can be done after your bath is over and you are ready to take on the world. Please don’t mention any negative qualities, rather convert to positive. If you are overweight and very fair, you may say, ‘I am overweight and am working on it, but I am fairer than 90 per cent people in India. PR will make you feel like a queen or king and automatically give you a boost for the day. When you do a Reality Check on yourself, PR will help you in the form of an armour and keep you happy. When someone comments saying how much fat you have become, your mind will answer the PR statements and make you feel fairer and more beautiful than before.
In the next and last sequel of this article, we will discuss the other four methods of fighting stress. In the meanwhile, you may try the methods given above.
(sikta_pati@rediffmail.com)