At various discussions with friends and relatives, I keep mentioning that I am so lucky to have a toilet to myself, have food on the table twice a day, have electric connection in the house, etc., especially when others grumble about their jobs, daughter’s marriages and all sorts of tension-ridden issues. At the first meeting, they may have spoken about their son’s job, then about his marriage in the next, about his having a child in the third and about having a second child in the subsequent one, and about his career promotion in the next.
Those of you who know spoken Odia must be familiar with sentences or words ending with ‘ni’. For instance, words like ‘helani’ , ‘delani’ are very common in our conversations referring to the fact that something didn’t happen, completely overlooking the fact about the good things which happened. Even when they worship, it’s all about the list or the ‘wish list’ as it is called today. If you ask them in details then you would find that they would agree and say that they have delivered what they promised to God; so their job was to make a demand for the next wish. By fulfilling their promise to God or deity, their obligations were over. The attitude of gratitude was completely missing and so also the happiness because one was on a never-ending journey of demanding. They were not able to enjoy the granddaughter’s company as they were busy praying for a grandson, who would carry on with hierarchy and the name of whom no one bothered in society. Even royal families do not have recognition these days. By not being grateful and not feeling happy about what they have got, people live in a state of tension and stress and, finally, other people don’t enjoy their company and they get isolated and discuss with their maids, who have no other option but to hear them out. God or universe or any other power is apparently a force which is there to fulfil their demands; otherwise people curse them too. Many a time, I have heard that people have stopped going to a place of worship because that deity did not fulfil their wishes and they say this with great aplomb and pride.
Coming back to the toilet issue, some friends thought that I had gone mad, feeling grateful and happy about food on the table, nonstop electricity at home, etc. They said these facilities are certainly what we deserve and are very ordinary one for urban dwellers. I cited the example of rural areas and even the slum which exists right in front of the building where I stay and many such ones which exist in the city. Be it hale or storm, the people have to go out to defecate; they don’t have running water or continuous electric supply, etc. In the rural areas, they have to go far for fetching water, and I don’t have to elaborate about the lack of facilities.
In a third world developing nation like ours, we can’t take anything for granted. There is still a high percentage of population who doesn’t have a second meal a day. We have everything at our doorstep and yet choose to remain unhappy and ungrateful. They have to spend the entire day in gathering fuel wood, water, food and bringing it home, going out to work in the agricultural fields, due to which there is hardly any time for education or self development. The moment a child grows up, he starts contributing to the household by working with the parents and there are lots of deliberations on whether he should work, go to school or learn some skills. This is the scene across India, and I am not pointing at any particular State.
In this context, should we not feel grateful that we have so many facilitiesIJ I am not saying that we should become complacent and not ask for more. The ultimate aim of human life is to become happy. Feeling grateful would bring about a sense of fulfilment and happiness and then we can examine what we need next. If we get into the spiral of demands then we have to live in a state of anxiety which can turn into mania later. We may have heard about the ‘gratitude rock’ from the book, ‘The Secret’. It’s about how one should keep a reminder in the form of a small rock, which one can just take out and hold and remind oneself to be grateful about what we have. I would suggest that a small key chain or any picture or any small thing to be carried in the wallet or purse which one can see a couple of times a day. The moment we feel unhappy, we can take out this picture, hold in the palm and remind ourselves about what we have and feel grateful about the same. We will feel happy immediately.
There is another practice which has proved very successful among my peer groups who follow this every day. While watching TV in evening or after dinner, you can take a small slip of paper and start making a list of what good things you have. Keep the list by your bedside at night. After getting up in the morning, just sit up in bed for a couple of minutes, hold the list and mentally thank whichever force you believe in for all the points that you have. It may take a few minutes, but while thanking mentally visualise that thing. For example, if you are showing gratitude for a car or a bike then visualise that item. Take your time and finish all the items. Then get down from bed and proceed with your daily routine. Again, next day you will find some new items to add. This is called as ‘Positive Reiteration’ or ‘Attitude of Gratitude’. This will certainly ensure that we remain in a state of happiness always. You may try it out for yourself.
(The writer, a freelancer, is a futurologist and imparting spiritual guidance to young professionals. E-mail: sikta_pati@rediffmail.com)