During my college days, I came across a neighbour by the name of Mrs Dash, who had a couple of young daughters and who seemed to be relaxed on every occasion. She could not be called spiritual by any count or a person who believed in rituals. I never saw her doing a daily puja or the rituals which every Hindu lady carries out daily. Yet, there were many interesting facets to her personality which I even find interesting till now. Her husband was very popular in the neighbourhood and interacted with the ladies very openly. In his spare time, he would be seen teaching someone how to drive, accompanying yet someone else on his bike to buy grocery if her husband was travelling. There seemed to be no reaction on Mrs Dash’s part. We had become friends and would discuss a lot of topics while going for a walk in the evening.
One day, I asked her as to how she responded to Mr Dash’s behaviour with the neighbouring ladies. Did they have fights about thisIJ Was she possessiveIJ She appeared very calm and said she was not possessive like other wives; she had full faith on her husband, who would always come back to her from wherever he went. They never had any argument on this issue. Though she was in her early forties, she chewed betel leaves and always remained calm and like in a world of her own. She was never too excited about anything nor was too unhappy about anything. I have seen her when her daughter secured 95 per cent in the 10th Board examination and also when her younger daughter sprained her ankle. There was hardly any overt happiness in the former case, nor any stress in the latter. Unknowingly, she was in a ‘Sthithaprajna’ (balanced) state or following the ‘middle path’ expounded by lord Buddha. I cannot say whether she had inherited this or had gradually inculcated it.
The Buddhist middle path is very necessary if we have to remain happy or in a state of ‘Anand’ which is not dependant on external factors. Today’s environment is one of instant coffee, instant food, too much excitement and too much tension. Going to extremes has become the style of the new generation. Anyone you come across even if he or she is a student of Class five or a young professional will complain of tension. This is all due to extremes and high expectations.
The Buddhist path speaks about moderation in everything if one has to be happy in the long term. let’s talk about food. If a person eats mutton very frequently then he is bound to land up with cholesterol and related heart problems. Surprisingly, even if a person eats a large amount of rice everyday for years, he will have diabetes and heart-related problems. Now, many people have become health conscious and are eating sprouts by the bowlfuls and few people know that one should take maximum two spoons a day otherwise it will damage the kidneys. Too much of a good thing can be dangerous. There is a saying in Odia, ‘Ati ru Iti’, which means when anything becomes too much it is bound to end in disaster. In Bengali, there is a similar saying, ‘Ati bhalo, bhalo noye’, meaning too much of good turns to bad.
I am mentioning about alcohol because it has become an acceptable item across all classes of families. Everyone knows what will happen if alcohol is consumed in large quantities and too frequently. Surprisingly, doctors are advising small quantities of wine for heart patients and for others too for keeping the circulatory system in order and also for a healthy heart. These are referred to as medicinal doses.
Either one has to choose over-consumption of any item and then to stop when some disease occurs or have moderation and keep enjoying throughout life.
Another form of moderation is internalisation of feelings. Nowadays, the moment we hear any good news we immediately send messages to everyone, load it on group apps, and it becomes an important point for discussion with everyone passing on their views. It is like making a mountain out of a molehill. This goes into a spiral or viral as it is called, and ultimately we get tired of the entire matter. We don’t spend even 15 minutes trying to internalise the matter or decide who to share it with. There could be negative comments at the end of the spiral. Similarly, any bad news is also immediately on facebook, etc., and after hearing the comments one may be in a worse situation.
We have to follow moderation in expression of our feelings too. We also have another saying in Odoa, ‘Ati lembu chipudile pita’, which means that if we keep on squeezing a lemon till the end we will get a bitter juice at last. Same is the case with our feelings. If one loves another too much, he becomes possessive and the partner starts feeling stifled. And hatred too ultimately leads to violence and abuse.
If one looks around, one will find that it is the average people or those with average IQ and EQ who are the most successful in personal and professional life. There are problems with very brilliant of only a few succeed. They happen to be erratic at times and miss out on the broader outlook as they are too focussed. I once happened to request a relative, who was studying an engineering course and was highly brilliant, to buy some items for me from the neighbourhood store. I had requested him to buy a bunch of coriander leaves and a little turmeric. He came back with a kg of coriander leaves and another kg of turmeric which I didn’t know what to do with. I started wondering how he would manage after marriage and take up household responsibilities.
This article is all about sharing views on moderation and in no way meant to offend any practising Buddhists.
(The writer, a freelancer, is a futurologist imparting spiritual guidance to young professionals. E-mail: sikta_pati@rediffmail.com)