If it wasn’t such a tragedy, so base, the two steps forward, one step backward movement in which gender equality is stuck for so long would be a cruel farce, at least from my perspective. Because just when I begin to think that we may never witness its diabolical manifestations, a gruesome incident occurs that rudely jolts me from my reverie.
As happened recently, when a young, aspirational, married woman was burnt to death, within the larger NCR area — close to the centre of power. The visuals that played repetitively on sundry platforms nauseated me with their graphic content, as if it were a macabre game in a sinister circus. The incident laid bare — once again — the mindset that follows women in our society, at each step, sometimes surreptitiously, often blatantly, from the womb up to the grave. It scalded my conscience as never before; flames of bristling rage overpowered my rational thinking, and for a while, as I placed myself alongside the victim, the likely perpetrator of the heinous crime became my sworn enemy.
It was while grappling with this painful episode that my mind went back to 1996-1998, when, as a young man in my early twenties, I was on a sterling professional assignment. Even then, I was aware that the monster looming over gender equality, threatening to devour it, was present everywhere — from the hinterland to the urban hubs. But I was unaware of the depth to which it infested our social fabric, till I encountered one of the most bizarre and repulsive trivializations of females. It happened one day, when I casually asked my business associate — in his mid-thirties and scion of one of the richest and most influential families of the area, with wide-ranging business interests — about his family. Dispassionately, he replied: “two minuses and one plus” — as if he was an ace mathematician. For a few moments, I was utterly confused, but then I sought clarification as to what equation he was alluding to: “I have two daughters and one son”! It felt as if someone had punched me in the solar plexus; nevertheless, I gained composure quickly and gave him a piece of my mind, although till now, I have not been able to fathom as to where his wife fitted in his equation — maybe zero. After a few days, and ever since, I have mulled over where we should start cleaning the stinking stables. I concluded, like several others, that the push for women’s empowerment, respect, safety, and equality must come from the basic unit in which we live — the family.
It is here that sons must be brought up in a manner that sensitivity and respect for women get ingrained in their character, to become a part of their personality. Moreover, coming from a family where women — including my mother — have had long and meaningful stints as teachers, I have always felt that schools, respected as temples of learning, can be game changers if subjects like gender equality become part of the syllabus from an early age. But sadly, till this happens, the epidemic of ‘pluses’ and ‘minuses’ afflicting our social and moral fabric for so long will keep on rearing its ugly head.
The writer works with an oil and gas PSU